HAPPY HALLOWEEN

I HAVE TO PUT THIS ANGEL PIC. UP AGAIN AS I SWEAR IT LOOKS LIKE HER!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN LOVE BUG!! HOPE YOU ARE DOING YOUR OWN TRICK OR TREATING TODAY!! WONDER WHAT SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR HALLOWEEN THIS YEAR??

NOT SURE WHY BUT TODAY SEEMS TO BE ONE OF THOSE ROUGH DAYS WHERE SHE IS ALL I AM THINKING ABOUT!! FROM THE TIME I OPENED MY EYES THIS MORNING!! SO I DECIDED I WOULD ADD TO HER BLOG/ MY VENTING GROUNDS!!

I MISS HER LIKE YOU CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE. i LOOK AT ISABELLA DAY TO DAY AND THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS IN COMMON YET IT DOESN'T FILL THAT VOID. THE VOID OF PUTTING HER TO BED AT NIGHT AND WALKING AROUND TO CLOSE THE BLINDS AND HEARING HER SAY GOOD NIGHT WORLD. THEN THERE WAS GOING TO GET HER A SIPPY CUP BEFORE BED AND HEARING HER SAY "DA MOON", SO MANY THINGS THAT DON'T EXIST IN MY WORLD ANYMORE.......I MISS THEM AND HER!!

FUNNY, SHE WAS A LADY BUG FOR HER FIRST HALLOWEEN AND I KNOW THIS ISN'T BELLY'S FIRST HALLOWEEN BUT IT IS THE FIRST HALLOWEEN THAT SHE IS DRESSING UP FOR AND SHE WILL BE MY LITTLE BUMBLE BEE......GUESS I HAVE A THING FOR INSECTS-HUH? LOL!

I NEED TO TALK ABOUT MY LOSS. I MAY OFTEN FEEL THE NEED TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED--OR TO ASK YOU WHY IT HAPPENED.

I MAY FREQUENTLY NEED FOR YOU TO LISTEN WHILE I EXPLAIN WHAT THIS LOSS MEANS TO ME. EACH TIME I DISCUSS MY LOSS, I AM HELPING MYSELF FACE THE REALITY OF THE DEATH OF MY LOVED ONE. I NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME. I NEED TO FEEL YOUR TOUCH, YOUR HUGS, I NEED YOU JUST TO BE WITH ME. AND I NEED TO BE WITH YOU. I NEED FOR YOU TO BELIEVE IN ME AND IN MY ABILITY TO GET THROUGH THIS GRIEF IN MY OWN WAY--AND IN MY OWN TIME.

PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME NOW OR THINK THAT I AM BEHAVING STRANGELY. REMEMBER I'M GRIEVING. I MAY BE IN SHOCK. I MAY FEEL AFRAID. I MAY FEEL DEEP RAGE. I MAY EVEN FEEL GUILTY. BUT ABOVE ALL, I HURT. I AM EXPERIENCING A PAIN UNLIKE ANY I'VE EVER FELT BEFORE. DON'T BE CONCERNED IF YOU THINK I'M GETTING BETTER AND SUDDENLY I SEEM TO SLIP BACKWARD AGAIN. GRIEF MAKES ME BEHAVE THIS WAY AT TIMES. AND PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU KNOW JUST HOW I FEEL OR THAT ITS TIME FOR ME TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE. I AM PROBABLY ALREADY SAYING THIS TO MYSELF. I JUST NEED FOR YOU TO BE PATIENT NOW AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND. FINALLY ALLOW ME THE TIME I NEED TO GRIEVE AND TO RECOVER. I WANT TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE--BUT I KNOW THAT I FIRST MUST WALK THROUGH THE DARK SHADOWS OF MY GRIEF AND ALTHOUGH IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO BELIEVE THIS NOW, I KNOW ONE DAY MY GRIEF WILL END. MOST OF ALL THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND. THANK YOU FOR CARING, FOR HELPING FOR UNDERSTANDING. THANK YOU FOR PRAYING FOR ME. AND REMEMBER IN THE DAYS OR YEARS AHEAD AFTER YOUR LOSS WHEN YOU NEED ME AS I HAVE NEEDED YOU, I WILL UNDERSTAND, AND THEN I WILL COME AND BE WITH YOU.

I PUT THIS ON HER BLOG IN THE BEGINNING AFTER SHE LEFT ......AND I HAVE TO SAY I HAVE COME ALONG WAY AND I DO WANT TO THANK EVERYONE WHO WAS THERE HOLDING MY HAND OR JUST SAYING A PRAYER FOR US..........

I DID NEED TO TALK ABOUT MY LOSS AND I STILL DO FROM TIME TO TIME, BUT CERTAINLY NOT AS MUCH AS I USED TO. I DO KEEP HER IN MY THOUGHTS DAILY, DAILY SHE IS SPOKE ABOUT IN MY HOUSE AND THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. ISABELLA WILL GROW UP WITH A SENSE OF ALMOST KNOWING HER. THERE ARE DAYS LIKE TODAY WHEN I STILL GET THAT THROAT CLOSING FEELING AND I LEARN TO COPE AND COME ON HERE AND VENT. IT DID FEEL THEN THAT I WOULD NEVER BE WHERE I AM TODAY WITH THIS, I FELT LIKE I WASN'T GOING TO BE OKAY, AS THOUGH I WAS GOING TO LOSE MYSELF SOMEWHERE. BUT IN ALL REALITY I FOUND MYSELF. I FOUND THE PERSON I WANT TO BE TODAY. SHE TAUGHT ME SO MANY THINGS AND I AS I HAVE SAID TIME AND TIME AGAIN, I LEARNED FROM HER LESSONS.

WE MISS YOU BUG FACE!!!!!