DON'T LEAVE ANYMORE BEHIND....

I CAN ONLY WONDER IF IA M DAMAGED MENTALLY...LOL DID LOSING YOU MESS ME UP IN THE HEAD?OR DID IT MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON/MOM THAT I AM TODAY? LIFE HAS SUCH A WAY OF TEACHING YOU LESSONS.I JUST WISH THIS PAIN, THIS EMPTINESS,THIS HURT WOULD GO AWAY. BUT WE ALL KNOW THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO MAKE ALL THESE FEELINGS GO AWAY. HER BIRTHDAY IS COMING AND I FIND MYSELF FEELING GUILTY THAT ASIDE FROM SOME SORT OF SPECIAL CHAR ACTOR OF FLOWER, I CAN'T MAKE HER BIRTHDAY SPECIAL FOR HER. I FEEL LIKE I DON'T KNOW MY BABY ANYMORE. SHE WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME, I DON'T KNOW WHO SHE'D BE TODAY, HOW SHE WOULD SOUND,HOW LONG HER HAIR WOULD BE,WHAT SHOWS SHE WOULD WATCH. I CAN ONLY TAKE THIS AS "ANOTHER LESSON IN ANOTHER CHAPTER"AS THEY SAY. BUT DAMN MY BOOK HAS AN AWFUL LOT OF CHAPTERS IN 27 YEARS. NOT THAT I FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF BECAUSE I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT EVEN AFTER THIS ALL I LOVE MY LIFE, I LOVE WHO I AM. I AM GRATEFUL FOR WHO I AM. I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE BOY AND A BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL. I ALSO HAD A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL, THAT GOD PICKED ME TO HAVE AND RAISE FOR 21 MONTHS. SHE WAS MINE AND A PIECE OF HER WILL ALWAYS BE MINE. I AM HONORED THAT HE CHOSE ME AND I WOULDN'T CHANGE ANY OF IT(OTHER THAN IF I COULD GET HER BACK.) BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...

BUT PLEASE GOD..................DON'T TAKE ANYMORE FROM ME....................PLEASE DON'T TAKE AND LEAVE ANYMORE HURT BEHIND......................