The Final Word
Whelp we finally got their answers as to why we lost our little bug. The medical examiner called me yesterday 7/6/06 to give us the answers. If you would like to know please call me, I would rather not post it. I don't know our new phone number yet, we have one but I haven't memorized it yet. One of those things Hailey took with her, my memory!! We thought the answers would make us feel better,but were we ever so wrong!! It was finalizing everything and when she told me I thought to myself I didn't want to know but I did at the same time. It was like someone told me she died all over again. I don't know how we do it. I don't understand how your body works at all. It just puts this wall up that there are days you cannot feel the pain,but other days boy let me tell ya, it hurts and it hurts bad! Like I said in one of the comments I posted I just wish we could pick up the phone and dial 1-800-heaven and talk to her! Time doesn't heal so far time has only hurt a little more and more everytime you have one of those fragile days, I like to call them! This was not supposed to happen, I can tell you that much!! She had alot of things going on that no one had any clue to aside from Frank and I,but no one wanted to hear it, no one cared like we did. I thought thats what made a doctor a doctor the fact that they didn't feel for the child so they were able to take the problem head on and figure it out, but inall actuality I think it is all one big guessing game and with out performing necessary tests they don't know half as much as the mommy and daddy know. I just don't get how one person playing a guessing game in life can make so much money. I know in my line of work if I guessed for a second there goes that insureds entire lively hood!! I think parents should automatically have the capability of getting testing done as much as a doctor, they always said mom and dad know best, so if wee know best why can't we say as a parent I want this test done and it gets done?? But I guess everything happens for a reason and going back to the religion side of it all maybe she served her purpose and she was able to move on to bigger and better things. I just hope she every once in awhile takes a glimpse down here to see how loved she is and will always be!!
Before I go I want to say that even though we have answers that does not mean this blog will end. It will continue for as long as I am around!! However if anybody has pictures feel free to e-mail them to me so I can continue putting pictures on!! Especially if its pictures of you and her together!!
posted by Angel In Disguise at 7/07/2006 04:20:00 PM
4 Comments:
Hey Guys...another chapter to get through. It has got to be so hard wondering who to trust in this. Who is capable of giving you the information that you're wanting to hear, something that will satisfy your heart as well as your mind. I think we know that no matter what that infomration is or should be, it will never satisfy you. And understandably so. There's nothing no one can tell you that will relieve any of the surreal, indignant, and unjust facts that you all live everyday. No matter what your days bring, you will carry this with you always. Like you say, some days there's just no bearing it, and others the guilt you end up feeling from having a moments of mindful escape that your right back in the middle of that dark place you never want to be in. Just always know, I can't say this enough...always know you all have people who love you, people who need you, and who want to be able to help allieviate your hurt. You are forever changed now, your life if forever changed now and you have to treak through everyday simplicities or adversities knowing that you are loved by those that are here for you and by Hailey who would want you all to grow, and prosper, and be happy. She knows who you all are & what your made of and how much she was loved. That's inevitable. Anyone who know her, or sees photos of her knows the love that overflowed from her was a part not only of who she was, but what she was surrounded by. Therefore, with all that love she received, was the only way she knew how to be in her everyday life. She's just as excited for your every progression in life now and tomorrow because she knows you carry her in your heart and in your everyday tasks. Don't stop living and persuing life's best. You know as well as I do, she would never want nor expect that from any one of you. Don't EVER not fill a desire because you fear you defy what she would want. Let there be no regrets there for any of you; in your endeavors to come, as well as your past confusions.
God I love you all so much!!! I'm forever proud of you, who you are, what you have become and who you will be. And I know you know, so is your little Angel Girl. You have never let her down, and you never will. I Love you! BobbieJo
God did anyone ever tell you that you have a way with words!!Not a bad thing, however you know how to get right to the point with moving and touching ways. I read your comments and I should know better then to do it at work!! I thank you,I and I am sure Frank we cannot explain how talking to people about it or hearing others views and reactions, I guess you could say brings us through each day. Its strange but it does and I guess that is why I did this site.I go hear when I need to talk but don't want to actually pick up the phone and tell someone that I am having a bad day! You are certainly right that our lives will never be the same, thats the scarry part. How do you think that deeply into something and really analyze that I am never going to be who I once was and this pain will never escape us. You think you are going to start going nuts and you seriously have to stop yourself from thinkin that way. We were lucky to have her in our lives for even the short period of time we did, I wouldn't change any of it. If I had a choice of not having her at all or having this happen I would have chose it to be this way. She was amazing, her ways,her smile,her laugh,and yes even her poopie diapers 12 times a day!! :) She was our baby girl and no one can take the person she made us into today away,She taught me lifes lessons in a very short time, however managed to take a big part of me with her.
God,I cant even think how you do it because I know I find it very hard for me to go threw my day my whole route has changed and I find my self not knowing what to do with my self.I dont like being home during the day I dont know why? Well I have to tell you I am very proud of you. I though I perpared you for every thing in life never did I think of this I get very mad at my self that you have to hurt every day. I love you.
How do you prepare your child for something like this. You don't because as a mother you believe you are raising a good person in the world. These things are not supposed to happen to good people.I lovemy daughter and my son more than anything in the world and there is nothing I would not do for either one of them, however I would have never prepared either one of them for something like this. Poor Alex got prepared early in life and it is ashame. She was everthing to him and he was everything to him.He had her to lean on when things got bad for him.(We all know what I am referring to) He would always play with her and not because I said go play with your sister, but because he wanted to.I don't understand when will it all end. I just want to think so bad that if I continue to be kind and a good person and do things the right way, another words if I keep proving myself that he will give her back to us. I want her back. I want our lives back.
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