THE LUMP IN YOUR THROAT

YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING OKAY AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN IT HITS YOU LIKE A TON OF BRICKS AND IT LASTS FOR DAYS,WEEKS ETC.. FRANK AND I WERE PACKING FOR THE NEW HOUSE ON SUNDAY AND IT SEEMED LIKE NO MATTER WHERE WE TURNED SHE WAS THERE SAYING HI! I'M COMING WITH YOU!! EVERY DRAW THAT HE OPENED IN OUR BEDROOM HAD SOMETHING OF HERS IN IT. THE UNREAL PART IS SHE PUT THIS STUFF THERE BEFORE SHE LEFT. I WENT CRAZY FOR THE LONGEST TIME TRYING TO FIND HER PURPLE TWEEZERS, WHELP SURE ENOUGH FRANK FOUND THEM AT THE BOTTOM OF HIS DRESSER DRAWER. WE FOUND HER SOCK, HER WASH RAG ETC.. EVERY WHERE WE TURNED THERE SHE WAS. WE MISS HER SO MUCH. I CRY AT THE THOUGHT OF WONDERING WHAT WOULD SHE BE DOING RIGHT NOW???? SHE TOOK APART OF US WHEN SHE LEFT SHE TOOK A MIGHTY LARGE CHUNK OF US!! SHE AGED ME TIMES TEN BETWEEN THAT NIGHT ALONE AND THEN DEALING WITH THIS DAY TO DAY. NO ONE REALIZES WHAT THIS IS LIKE. DO YOU THINK WE GET UP IN THE MORNING AND FORGET FOR A MOMENT THAT SHE IS MISSING FROM OUR LIVES? DO YOU THINK WE GO TO WORK IN THE MORNING AND NOT REALIZE THERE IS ONE LESS PERSON WE ARE WORKING FOR IN THIS WORLD? NO MATTER WHERE WE GO OR WHAT WE DO IT IS AND CAN BE RELATED TO HER SOME HOW. FOR 21 MONTHS OUR LIVES REVOLVED AROUND HER AND TO ONEDAY WAKE UP AND HAVE THAT TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU IS DEVASTATING. I CANNOT PUT INTO WORDS THE PAIN, THE LUMP IN YOUR THROAT, THE STOMACH FLIPPING. IT HURTS EVERDAY EVERY SECOND. I WILL TALK ABOUT HER UNTIL THE DAY I GO. SHE WAS APART OF US AND WILL REMAIN APART OF US ALWAYS AND FOREVER. I REMEMBER SO MANY THINGS BUT THAT NIGHT IS SUCH A BLUR. THAT WHOLE DAY IS A BLUR AND I JUST WISH I COULD REMEMBER THE LAST THING SHE SAID TO ME. I REMEMBER TAKING HER FROM THE LIVING ROOM INTO THE KITCHEN TO PUT HER INTO THE HIGH CHAIR AND SAYING TO HER " C'MON BUG WANNA DO NUMMY NUMS?" AND SHE REPLIED WITH "FRUIT MOMMY,FRUIT", BUT I KNOW SHE HAD TO F SAID MORE TO ME WHILE SHE WAS EATING BUT I CANNOT REMEMBER AND IT HURTS THAT THOSE LAST VITAL MEMORIES OF HER SPEAKING TO ME I CANNOT REMEMBER. IT ALL JUMPS STRAIGHT TO THAT MOMENT OF LOOKING AT HER AND HER REACHING OUT FOR ME TO HELP AND I COULDN'T DAMN IT, I COULDN'T HELP MY DAUGHTER. WHELP I GUESS YOU CAN TELL TODAY WAS ONE OF THOSE ROUGH ONES SO I AM GOING TO GO AND LEAVE OFF BY SAYING COLLECT THOSE PENNIES, THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT NEEDS THEM!! WE LOVE YOU BUG!!!!