RAINY DAY
JUST WANNA SAY HOW SORRY WE ARE TODAY BUG, IT WAS REALLY RAINY OUT AND WE DIDN'T MAKE IT THERE TO SEE YOU. I WILL GET THERE TOMORROW AS LONG AS THE WEATHER IS OK. WE THOUGHT ABOUT YOU ALOT THIS WEEKEND AND I DECIDED A FEW THINGS THAT WE ARE GOING TO DO, NOT THAT IT WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN GETTING YOU BACK BUT MAYBE IT WILL OPEN OTHERS EYES TO CERTAIN THINGS. ALEX'S COMMUNION IS THIS WEEKEND, WE ARE HAVING IT AT SPORTS PLUS, I WISH YOU COULD BE THERE WITH US BUG. I KNOW YOU WOULD HAVE A BLAST. I COULD JUST PICTURE YOU RUNNING AROUND LIKE A LUNATIC SCREAMING YOUR HEAD OFF. WE MISS YOU SO MUCH, I KNOW I SAY THAT ON EVERY ENTRY BUT IT IS JUST THE TRUTH. YOU BRIGHTENED OUR WORLD IN WAYS YOU DON'T KNOW. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I WONDER. FOR EXAMPLE WHEN I AM ALONE AND CRYING ARE YOU THERE WATCHING?? DO YOU SEE WHAT GOES ON HERE DAY TO DAY, DO YOU REMEMBER BEING HERE WITH US? OR ARE YOU IN A WHOLE NEW WORD WHERE YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS AND US?? I WONDER...........
THIS PICTURE IS SO AWESOME OF YOU!! YOU LOOK SO PEACEFUL AND SO INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU WERE DOING. GOD, YOU HAVE KNOW IDEA WHAT I WOULD DO FOR FIVE MORE MINUTES WITH YOU!! I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING!! JUST TO SQUEEZE YOU AND KISS YOU, TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!! THE ONE THING I KNOW IS THAT NIGHT RIGHT BEFORE I PUT YOU INTO THAT HIGH CHAIR I HUGGED AND KISSED YOU AND TOLD YOU THAT I LOVE YOU AS I WALKED YOU TO THE HIGH CHAIR AND I AM SO HAPPY FOR THAT, BUT STILL IT IS JUST NOT ENOUGH. I WANT MORE I WANT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. I WANT TO SEE YOU GROW UP AND GET YOU READY FOR YOUR FIRST DAY OF KINDEGARTEN, YOUR PROM ETC... WE WERE CUT SHORT AND I JUST HOPE YOU KNOW HOW MISSED AND LOVED YOUARE!! YOU COMPLETED OUR CHAIN, WE NOW HAVE A MISSING LINK AND WILL NEVER BE WHOLE UNTIL WE ARE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN.
posted by Angel In Disguise at 4/23/2006 10:09:00 PM
4 Comments:
I can't imagine what you go through every moment of every passing hour, every day. I'm sure your mind escapes the truth of this nightmare, but then you must find yourself right back in the middle of it all. How you survive I'll never know. Just talking with you the other night, I felt like I failed you! I couldn't fight back the tears! I didn't want you to hear me cry while you opened up & talked about everything that was on your mind. Like I said to you, in one aspect you must be so numb to things, yet the pain of it all must be unbearable. Amanda...my little baby girl Amanda. I can't bear the thought of it all, everything that you went through, go through, and will have to endure throughout your journey. What all of you have faced & will face. But you all have eachother, and so many others who love you. We love you, all of you. For those unknown reasons, the paths we choose in life lead us to places that leave us in dark lonely places. But we somehow find something out of that darkness that enlightens us & brings us farther in our journey. Trust in yourself as you have in the past. You are such a strong woman,and it's ok not to be strong too. You are human, and as humans we have to feel. I never would have though 13years ago when I left LI that I would miss out on so many chapters in so many lives that meant the world to me. I am so appreciative that some crazy force brought us together for this short time as I've said before. No matter which way we go, I'll forever be here for you all.
I wish I had more answers for you. There are so many things we as humans will never know while we are here. Just don't forget to make the best of what you have here while you're here since it's such a short time. You will always have Hailey with you wherever you go. You both created her. Don't ever doubt, continue the faith that keeps you going. I love you,you will be missed so much, you ARE missed so much! BobbieJo
I don't know how I do it everyday.I feel, I feel it everyday. There is something lacking in my life now and I am sure I will have that feeling for the rest of my life.Life is too short especially when someone you love and care for so much is removed from you. I wonder if she can see when I am hurting or if she hears us talking to her.I just don't understand why-why did this happen. Is there someone out there that can answer that for me. I think out of everything we do deserve that answer. Not that it would make anything easier but let me understand it, let me help Alex understand it. Let me show everyone, and thats my determination at this point to understand and make everyone else understand how special she was and how unique she was. I want to tell the world our story for some reason. I find myself in stores talking to strangers about nothing and I so badly want to tell them_Why? Why would I want to make someone else feel that pain, I want them to know what we just went through.I am lost but I have to find myself daily. People can also be so cruel.It is not worth it. When I find myself bothered by what they say or do I have to remind myself it is not worth it. I cannot bring her back, I couldnt bring her back that night-Lord knows I tried. I just wish I could have 5 more minutes-Ya know??
HAILEY ITS ME JUST THINKING OF YOU. I GAZE AT YOUR PICTURE AND WISH IT WERE NOT TRUE. I WISH SO HARD IT HURTS SOMETIMES THAT I COULD CHANGE THE OUTCOME OF THAT NIGHT. I KNOW YOUR IN A HAPPY PLACE STILL SO FULL OF LIFE AND HAPPINESS. SHOWING ALL UP THERE WITH YOU, YOUR JOYFUL CAPTIVATING PERSONALITY. OH, HOW I MISS YOU SO. THE ANGELS UP THERE WITH YOU ARE SO LUCKY. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU AND THINK OF YOU CONSTANTLY.
Are you kidding me, She is the number 1 angel up there right now. Atleast she better be if he took her from us!!It sucks the whole thing just sucks. I have this constant knot in my stomach, this constant feeling of not belonging and feeling lost in this world without her.I built our lives around her, she had us wrapped around her tiny little finger. She showed me so much about life and how precious every second is.I think back to idiot people who do things to themselvs and make it through it-and it's like why did he take her. There was so many other people that he could have taken, and she didn't ask to go.People who od on drugs, people that try and kill themselves etc.. there are so many bad why take the young and innocent??
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