I WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK!
I could sit here and tell you over and over again how bad I want her back!! It's not fair!! I keep hoping oneday she will come back home like she was only kidnapped or something. You don't understand this empty feeling. It's this emptiness that no matter how hard you try to fill it,nothing works. Nothing works. Whats next? Where do you go from here? How do you start anew when the old was stolen from you without even the chance to say good-bye!! Or give one last hug and kiss, tell her how much you love her,give her the chance to stay and you take the pain for her. Where is this all fair? What did I do to deserve her being taken away from me? I think back to that day and I cannot believe this happened, she was fine all day(aside from her normal congestion) but she was fine, she was getting into my cabinets,playing with the tupperware and babyfood jars. She was running around with Alex-I don't get it! I don't understand why we were not even given the chance to say goodbye?We hurt and we hurt everyday and I want this pain to go away. I want to walk there and get her,I want to bring her home to her family where she belongs. I want her to be here to make a difference in this silly world.I guarantee she would have, I guarantee she would have made the world a better place. Look what she has done for me, she made me who I am today. I have changed, I have a changed in away where I will always promise to try and see the good before lashing out and seeing the bad. I wish I knew where she was and what she was doing right now? I know I shouldn't be asking where she is we all can assume she is in heaven, however when something like this happens you tend to wonder if there was really someone up there watching they would know we were not bad parents, we were kind people -why would he take such a loved child away from us? Why damn-it???? I want answers I wanna know I am not accepting what the medical examiner said I know this was something she was born with I know there is so much more to this and no one is finding it!!I promise one thing I will know what happened to her and I will let the person know who screwed up and I will let the world know how this doctors screw up caused the life of my little girl!! Angry, ohhhhh you have no idea!!!
posted by Angel In Disguise at 7/28/2006 03:07:00 PM
8 Comments:
Amanada- you can feel the pain in your words- you can see the hurt in your eyes, I just can't help to feel the pain for you on a daily basis, I can't stop thinking about what you are going through and the fact that it hurts when I think about it- So I can't fatham how much it hurts you and Frank. It's just something that NO-ONE in this world should ever have to experience. NO-ONE! You are always in my prayers, I pray for God to give you strength to be strong and heal your heart, for your sake, Alex's sake, Franks sake and most of all that precious angels sake. God is going to have quite a few of us waiting in line for an explanation when we get up there.
Hey Amanda,
I'm so sorry...I don't know what else to say. I guess there really isn't anything I can say, at least nothing you haven't heard a thousand times before. I know I haven't written in a while, but I want you to know that doesn't mean that I don't think about Hailey or you guys because not a day goes by when all of you aren't in my thoughts. I know you already know this and that I've said it before myself, but she really was special and just like you said, I'm sure she would have made a difference in the world. Every time I think of her sweet little face and those round cheeks I can't help but smile. She always had that affect on me, as I'm sure she did with everyone else. I could be mad or upset about something, but then I would turn around and see her scrunch up that little nose and smile and I couldn't help but laugh. She was so beautiful -- inside and out. I wish I could do more, but I want you to know that I haven't forgotten and I will not; it's pretty much impossible to not remember what a sweet, wonderful little girl she was. I'm just happy to have been blessed by being one of the many people who had the chance to know and love her. I love you, Amanda. I hope to see you soon, it's been a while! That reminds me, we had to get a new number, so I'll e-mail it to you. Hopefully I'll talk to you soon.
Love,
Jess
God I read all of your comments and I cry. I love you guys all and thank you for being there for us!! Also for listening to me! It's hard I don't know what the future will bring for us and thats the part that is scarry.Christmas will be hard, that year mark will be hard. However the hardest was day 1, if we got through that I think we will be alright.It's funny because I listen to people and they say oh your relationship after someting like this will never be the same, and they are right. However when they say it, they say it as you will eventually part because you are both going through the same thing at the same time therefore how do you lean on one another for support? We have found a way. Don't ask me what it is but we have found a way. I have my days and he has his.When one is in need of support we make it a point to put ourselves aside and give the other the support for that moment.We miss her and as you all said life goes on,however why must it without her?The mornings are rough for some reason,I wake up thinking about her every morning. Some mornings I can get passed it and others I don't want to get out of bed.Someone said something so true: Time does not heal it only numbs at moments as time goes on the moments of numbness seem to get a little longer each time. And it is so true time does not heal this wound this forever will be an open wound, however there will be times when you feel salt poured into it and others where it's so painful it goes numb.
AMANDA, I AM SO SORRY I WISH I COULD TAKE ALL YOUR HURT AWAY. I WISH SO BAD I COULD MAKE IT ALL BETTER. I LOVE YOU ITS JUST SO HARD TO EVEN BEGIN TO WRAP YOUR MIND AROUND THIS WHOLE THING.
Dear anonymous I love you to!!Whomever you maybe!! Lol!!! It is hard and I wouldn't wish this pain on even my worst enemy..well maybe my worst no just kiddin!! I really wouldn't no one should ever have to feel this way.When you try to wrap your mind around it you will only go crazy!!! So I stopped trying!!
Amanda
I wish I could bring her back for you, Frank and Alex. She was so special in every way. I really do believe she was different than every other kid. She was an angel. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I just wish there is something I can do for you. My whole life I would go out of the way for anyone. Do anything and everything... Just one thing in this world I want to do and I can't. I want to make you happy again, bring her home to your family. I am here for you always and I love you so much. Hailey we miss you so much. Bug let mommy know your ok.
Love always
Katie
Let me know when you need help weeding her garden. I would love to help you.
I miss you bug every minute of my day you are always on my mind and in my heart. I go to bed with you and wake up with you I just wish you was here with all of us so we could laugh again!!!LOVE YOU MISS HAILEY BUG!!!
I definetaly need to get that garden weeded so I can plant her tree before the winter gets here.Thank you Katie, I would love for you to come and help me do that as that was always our thang-right?? I wish she could let me know that she was okat, however I guess no news is good news right? I also want to thank you guys for coming and visiting with me so much it is so cool!! I love you guys!!!
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