Split Second!!
Today is one of those fragile days!! I woke up this morning and missed her like you cannot believe. I look around and no matter how many answers you get to all of this, it will never make sense. Why do innocent children get ill, why do innocent children die? They have not yet been able to experience anything in life why take that from them? There is so much bad in the world why take from the good? So many questions that will never be answered, whelp as I said before he better be prepared for me when I get there, because he is going to have alot of explaining to do. I understand he himself went through this and he can feel our pain, but why make another family feel that pain. Is that supposed to make us feel special? Wrong, it doesn't. She changed the people we are today, well she changed the person I am today, I'm sure she changed most others. I keep trying to do good things and go out of my way to help people in hoping that she will come back. I almost think at times that maybe she was taken away from us because I am being punished for something. I can sit here and think what could I have done so wrong in life to have her taken away from me. Everyday I try, I try to be a better person that what I was before.I try to have more patience with Alex, I try to help people when I see they need help.I just hope that if I continue dooing that I will get her back. Then I realize thats not possible!!Your mind works in mysterious ways!! It is almost scarry what your mind can do to you.The only thing I can say is do not take a single day for granted with anyone around you in life,because in a split second it can all be taken away from you, and to make matters worse it can be taken away from with no explanation,no warnings,and never given back!!
posted by Angel In Disguise at 7/18/2006 09:14:00 AM
4 Comments:
Hey Amanda,
I miss her so much. I wish I could bring her back for you. The day you told me what have happen to her I tried so hard not to cry. When I left your house the tears started rolling down my face. I just don't understand anything. Why couldn't the doctors help her. Why Hailey!!!! It makes me so MAD! I wish I would have came over more to see her. I regret it so much!! Hailey was so perfect, she was just like you. I hate the fact I have to say was!! Hailey is perfect!!! I would do anything for you, Frank, and Alex. I love you guys so much!!! Hailey your the number one BUG!!! Miss you bug!!
Love
Katie
Katie when you are in front of me and we are talking about her, it's ok to cry. I cry I just hold myself together around people because I don't want to make them feel as though they can't talk to me about it. I like talking about her, I like crying for her, I like anything to do with her. I miss her too, she was me-wasn't she? I just don't know what the future holds and thats scarry.We miss her everyday of our lives, no one could have spent enough time with her katie. I was with her everyday and you don't think I torture myself and say oh I shouldn't of worked I should have been home with her all day everyday!! You can't do that to yourself, she knew you by face and name and most importantly she loved you and looks down at you as well as everyone else that loved her!! Don't torture yourself,theres nothing anyone can do, it was out of all of our hands!! Just always remember how quick life can change!!
God bob, I can't explain the feeling, It feels like my household wants to go home but at this point we don't know where that is. Home was anywhere with all four of us, now there's three.She made a difference that she most def. did. And yes I do try, that was one thing I promised after all of this, I have no agression, no hard feelings, and no hate in my anymore to anyone!! I can't it's not worth it, why hate when you can love the people around you? You use more energy hating then you could just letting it roll off your back. Don't get me wrong I get nagry, I may argue with someone but theres just a whole different outlook on it.I wish things could have been different but like they say there is a reason for everything. I just thank God for everyone I have around me to get through this!!
Yeah you hit the nail on the head on that one!!There is a big piece of me that is missing, she was my world no matter what she was there!! Alex would go to his dad's Frank would go to work and it was me and my daughter!!My best friend,my life!!I will never be the Amanda I once was, yes there will betimes as you said that I have to put this aside and smile because I want to smile however I don't know how I do it day in and day out. It's hard life is now hard. I thought at one time life was hard-no way I had it easy and the best life going, I still have a great life because of the people I have in my life and around me however life has now given me a challenge, a challenge that no one should have to come against!!It will be a challenge that is not beatabole nor can it beat me 100%. There will be days when it gets the best of me, but then I will have others where I can beat it!!Bob, she was my world, how do you go on when someone rips your world away from you and will never give it back??How do you wake up knowing that she is not there anymore? I don't know but we all do it, and I say she's pulling us all through it.
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