AFTER SHOCK....................

I NEED TO TALK ABOUT MY LOSS. I MAY OFTEN FEEL THE NEED TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED--OR TO ASK YOU WHY IT HAPPENED. I MAY FREQUENTLY NEED FOR YOU TO LISTEN WHILE I EXPLAIN WHAT THIS LOSS MEANS TO ME. EACH TIME I DISCUSS MY LOSS, I AM HELPING MYSELF FACE REALITY OF THE DEATH OF HAILEY. I NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME. I NEED TO FEEL YOUR TOUCH,YOUR HUGS. I NEED YOU TO JUST BE WITH ME. AND I NEED TO BE WITH YOU. I NEED FOR YOU TO BELIEVE IN ME AND IN MY ABILITY TO GET THROUGH THIS GRIEF IN MY OWN WAY--AND IN MY OWN TIME. PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME NOW--OR THINK THAT I'M BEHAVING STRANGELY. REMEMBER I'M GRIEVING. I MAY BE IN SHOCK. I MAY FEEL AFRAID. I MAY FEEL DEEP RAGE. I MAY EVEN FEEL GUILTY THAT I COULDN'T SAVE HAILEY. BUT ABOVE ALL, I HURT. I AM EXPERIENCING A PAIN UNLIKE ANY I'VE EVER FELT BEFORE. DON'T BE CONCERNED IF YOU THINK I'M GETTING BETTER AND THEN SUDDENLY I SEEM TO SLIP BACKWARD AGAIN.GRIEF MAKES ME BEHAVE THIS WAY AT TIMES. AND PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU KNOW JUST HOW I FEEL OR THAT IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GET ON WITH MR LIFE. I AM PROBABLY ALREADY SAYING THAT TO MYSELF. I JUST NEED FOR YOU TO BE PATIENT NOW AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND. FINALLY, ALLOW ME THE TIME I NEED TO GRIEVE AND TO RECOVER. I WANT TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE--BUT I KNOW THAT I FIRST MUST WALK THROUGH THE DARK SHADOWS OF MY GRIEF. AND ALTHOUGH IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO BELIEVE THIS NOW, I KNOW THAT ONEDAY MY GRIEF WILL END. MOST OF ALL THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND. THANK YOU FOR CARING,FOR HELPING,FOR UNDERSTANDING. THANK YOU FOR PRAYING FOR ME. AND REMEMBER, IN THE DAYS OR YEARS AHEAD-AFTER YOU MAY HAVE A LOSS-WHEN YOU NEED ME AS I HAVE NEEDED YOU, I WILL UNDERSTAND, AND THEN I WILL COME AND BE WITH YOU.