Waves Of Emotions

The other day I went to Stonybrook Hospital to meet the two children that the childrens foundation is helping this year. I cannot understand for the life of me why God takes children from this world, but more so why does he make them suffer?? That's not a lesson any child deserves!!! When does it end, when does the world catch a break?? You think your life is bad until you get there,these children were so sick yet have such high spirits and were able to smile not knowing what was going to happen to them tomorrow. I feel so sad!! God took my little girl and as I said before I understand he took her and she is not coming back, but why does he leave others here to suffer?? You talk to these parents who are watching their children suffer day in and day out and they say to you that they still have their child and I stand there and say yeah but I didn't have to watch my daughter live in a hospital and suffer. She left with no warning, where does their strength come from??

I have been feeling pretty sad lately. It comes in waves for some reason. There was a point where at night I could go with out crying, lately everynight the tears turn on and I just cry myself to sleep. I miss her like you cannot even begin to understand. I look at the little girl who is the same age as Hailey and wonder while Alex is playing with her older brother if her and Hailey would be playing together.The other night I was standing outside talking with the parents and Rita her mom was holding her, and Stephanie the little girl turned around and said "the moon mommy, the moon" she sounded exactly like Hailey. It hurt yet at the same time I got to hear Hailey for a brief moment. And that was awesome!! There are days where I don't want to function but I push myself and I am just an absolute mood swing waiting to happen. What are you supposed to do, when does this knot in your stomach untie itself,when do you have a normal day,when do you not feel the urge to cry when you think of all the wonderful moments you had with her, I smile and laugh don't get me wrong but all those wonderful moment s that got stomped on from continuing lead you right back to tears!! She was our world,she made everyday bright,she had me wrapped around her little finger, we adored one another. There was this bond that is so completely unbelievable!! I know its a different bond than any other!!! I know I was meant to have that bond with her to give me no regrets today!!

Leave you with something I heard today:

In order for God to take you to another place, he must first move you from where you are. The move often feels like a disaster but it's only the creaking and groaning of the reluctant door.(author unknown)