Rough Night's

Last night was a terrible one for me. Frank was in the shower I finished cleaning up the house. I went upstairs and had to close all of the blinds and found myself in her room or what would have been her room!! I began smelling her sheet on her mattress and even after the move it still smells like her. That is all I have aside from the ripped clothes from the hospital that night. However getting back to the mattress sheet, when I smelled it I was not prepared for the repercussions. I sat in that room for I cannot tell you how long balling my eyes out, Frank finally found me and came in there with me. It just will never get better. I figured that out last night, she was only apart of us for such a short period of time, however left behind so many wonderful memories. You cannot imagine the pain that is felt day in and day out not having her here, she brightened my day daily. I could not want to get out of bed in the morning, but then I would hear "Mommy, Moommy,Mooommmyyy........ from the crib and I would smile and say "comin Bug!!" What I would do to have one more morning with that!!You don't forget the memories and you don't forget the person, however for some reason I cannot hear her voice and it is driving me crazy. I want to hear her, occasionally I will hear her in my head when I am thinkin about it how she used to say "up, up, mommy", from the play pen. Or when she was in the back seat of the car mimicking the train on our way home from Sesame Place. She had Frank, Alex and I hysterical!! She was always good at making you laugh. She was attached to my hip, when I got sick and couldn't be around her for a couple of days, I was locked in my bedroom and she would come by the door and wait to see if I was going to open it and if she heard movement or me talk to call Frank in she would freak and start screaming my name. She was and still is my best friend and it just sucks that someone could take that away from us!!

I'm sure you have read the poems that are on the site I wish I could take credit for some of them however I found them online. I received a junk Yahoo email the oneday and attached to it was these poems and all I could say was "Wow!!" What made these poem get emailed to me in my junk email box??
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To All Parents:

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine ",He said
"for you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she's dead.
It may be six or seven years,or twenty two or three,
But will you, till I call her back take care of her for me?
She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
and shall her stay be brief,
You'll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over
In my Search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes
I have selected you
Now will you give her all your love
Nor think the labor vain
Nor hate me when I come to call to take her back again?

I fancied that I heard them say" Dear Lord, Thy will be done!"
For all the joy thy child shall bring.
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness,we'll love her while we may
And for the hapiness we've known
forever grateful stay
But shall the angels call for her much sooner than we've planned

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.