My Heart is broken
Lately I have been having chest pains..... not sure if it's anxiety or if there is something going on. However I went to the emergency room lastnight because with the chest pains I go short of breath. Lastnight all of the above began to happen when at the same time I felt faint. To make the long story short I had my mom bring me to the emergency room. Of course they found nothin other than my blood pressure being elevated. I felt the pains the entire time I was in there. When the doctor came in to tell me my blood work was normal to follow up with my cardiologist I felt better yet at the same time said to myself....................Its just broken and it hurts and no one can fix it or make it better. She broke it and there's no putting it back together again! We love you Hailey and please know how special you are!
We had so much fun this day, you cried you did not want to leave.
posted by Angel In Disguise at 4/07/2006 11:50:00 AM
13 Comments:
I wish so much I could fix you and make everything all better. I wish more than anything I could rewind time. I dont know why but it really fustrates me that I cant make it better I feel so helpless. I love you.
I sit here and read and cry that I want it all back it is so unfair that as mom and mimi I cant do it.
Hey you! I don't know if you go back & review some of the comments of the other segments you leave; however, just the other night I left you a comment, two actually, and one was about this very day! I remember this day so clearly as if it were yesterday. It was b/4 I went back to Indiana to retrieve my stuff. It was just you, Hailey, Payton, Delaney & me at Corey. I remember telling you how much I missed coming to the beach & doing exactly what we were doing. I remember you told me that you would do it everyday if it would make me stay here on LI. I know it's not much, but I'm here, all three of us are. Crazy how time flies! Imagine, we've been here since 8/31/05. And it still doesn't seem as though we see enough of eachother! But I understand how we all get caught up with life. Again, I'm so glad we're here to have enjoyed the precious time that we do take out for one another. I will take those memories with me for always. I remember taking that picture! I took a couple of them. See! Everyone use to make fun of me for taking my camera with me everywhere. But I'll say it now, like I said back then....
Every moment is a memory & time is too short not to absorb & make the best of all of them. These are our live's chapters, what no one can take from us. I remember how much fun Hailey had! She was glowing as she always did! Not just from where we were, but because her Mommy was playing with her there. She loves you so much Amanda! As much as you love her! And she knows that...we all do! I love you all too! We all do!!
Get yourself healthy, your mind, your body, and your spirit. You need to find a release, something that will give you peace within. Everything is connected in life. Find what gives you the ability to close off to all that ails you, and what replenishes you with a feeling of pure contentment. Sounds crazy, but you need to get grounded for your own health & well being. We need you, full circle. Everybody is connected.
xoxox BobbieJo
Oh my God!! You guys are not supposed to make me cry on this, I'm supposed to make you cry!:) Every second is a memory and one that you have to remember. I thank God that we all took as many pictures as we could of her.I loved playing with her, I would come home from work and sit there for so long playing with those damn lego blocks. Putting them in the bag so she could just keep dumping them out. Through all of this I am so proud of myself and so proud that I can say I had something with her that alot of working mom's don't have with their daughters (a bond). I always payed full attention to her and gave her my all. Frank and Alex as well. We gave her our all. We made sure we stayed a unit, that she was safe and tried our best to make sure she was healthy.I just wish for one second that I could feel her in my arms again.That feeling I would get in my stomach when I would pick her up. My stomach would go into a flutter and I would have to squeeze her- I love her so much and I know she knows that because she felt it when she was here and she feels it now as well.Life is not fair but no one said it would be! We struggle through so many things, and we lose sleep over them. But at the end it's not worth the stress and strain on your body. Let me tell you, the stress that my household feels right now from our loss is unreal. I wonder why I have anxiety attacks or whatever my current issue is at the moment, I thought I was dealing with this all so well and how strong I was being, I was, However my body is now releasing it's stress in a way that I can no longer control. And when this takes you over, it is so scarry!!How do you continue in a life as you once were when there is something so special missing? How do you get grounded and replenish?? You don't you continue down lifes paths and find out what is in store for you next, however you and your unit will never be as it once was.And that my friends is my closing statement. I love you all and thank you all for being there.(P.S. Eventually I will take you up on the Corey beach offer I just don't think I am ready for that yet,That was her first time on a real swing!)
Hey, Amanda. Sorry it has been a while, but I've been all wrapped up in school. No matter how busy I am though, Hailey is always on my mind. I know her birthday is coming up, so I've been thinking about her more than usual. It's just not fair...she should be here with us, running around the fire department just having a blast at her 2nd birthday party. I have this image in my head of what it would be like with her little face smushed in the cake again, playing with all the kids, etc., and I wish more than anything it could actually be real. I would do anything in the world if it meant that wish could be granted, as I'm sure anyone and everyone who has ever entered Hailey's life would. What a special little girl!
I hope you are feeling better...physically anyway because I know nothing can take away your pain emotionally and pretty much every other way. Keep posting and taking care of yourself. I love seeing pictures of Hailey that I've never seen before, as well as ones I have. Every time I see the one with the flowery bandana or the one of her in the stroller at Sesame Place, I can't help but laugh! That little scrunched up face is too cute!!! I love and miss ya!!!
Hey. I just tried sending you some more pictures of Hailey but the e-mail was sent back to me & they said the reason was "over quota." I don't know what that means, do you??? Let me know if I can send them to a different address or something.
Happy Birthday Sweet Hailey...you are always on our mind.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAILEY! WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH.YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY THOUGHTS. NOT A DAY GOES BY WITH OUT ME THINKING OF YOU. YOU ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE FOREVER OUR ANGEL. LOVE JOHN, JANESSA AND SARAH
Happy Birthday BUG!!! Cant begin to say how much me and poppy miss you and Love you. Love, poppy&MiMi
Wow, I see some of us decided to reveal ourselves today!! Whelp you all beat me to the site!! Not bad!! Whelp it seems she is very much missed and loved and I guess that is all we can ask for. I want to say I am sorry that I made plans for everyone to come down and spend some time together with her, but after reallly thinking it through and waking up this morning I really wasn't up to it!But please that did not mean that no one could go gown there I just wasn't up to I guess you can say entertaining.Sh got alot of nice things today, Thank You everyone!! I also want to say it is not that I didn't want to be aroudanyone I just knew here was going to be a point when rank, Alex and I wanted to be alone down there and what were we going to do ask everone at this time please leave!! I just want to say thank you again with out the love adn supprt we have around us and with out everyone commenting I don't think we would be I guess you could say as sane as we are right now!! We love you all.
P.S. Did everyone sing Happy Birthday to her today in their heads I know I did!!! lol
Amanada- you do not have to be "sorry" one bit for anything. I am sure EVERYONE understands that you were not up to anything yesterday. I hope you are feeling a little better today. If you need anything, please let me know. xOxOxO
P.S....Yes, I sang to her and thought about her all day :-)
Aww!! Thank you Donielle!! I saw the Teddy and balloons, they were so adorable-Thanks you so much!!
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