WHAT'S NEXT????

WHAT'S NEXT??I AM SO SCARED!THIS WAS AND WILL ALWAYS BE BAD!! I AM SO AFRAID OF WHAT'S NEXT. WILL WE BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT? LIFE IS SO SCARY WE TAKE SO MUCH FOR GRANTED, AND I AM NOT EVEN SPEAKING OF OUR DAILY ROUTINES, BUT SMOKING, TANNING ETC... I AM NOT GOING TO LIE I DO THE ABOVE, BUT WHO THE HELL AM I??THERE IS A LITTLE GIRL WHO I AM SURE IF GIVEN THE CHOICE WOULD HAVE CHOSE LIFE OVER WHAT SHE GOT HANDED.
THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS JUST LAYING HERE WATCHING TV AWAITING FRANK'S CALL TO LET ME KNOW HE WAS ON HIS WAY HOME. I WAS REALLY INTO MY SHOW WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE I WENT TO CALL HER. I WASN'T THINKING BUT JUST LAYING HERE WATCHING TV, AND I WENT TO PICK UP THE PHONE TO CALL HER- CALL HER WHERE? EVEN WHEN SHE WAS HERE I COULDN'T CALL HER SHE LIVED WITH ME. BASICALLY IT ONLY PROVED TO ME HOW LOST I AM WITH OUT MY LITTLE GIRL CONSTANTLY AT MY SIDE.
SHE LIT OUR WORLD, SHE HAD HER DADDY WRAPPED AROUND HER FINGER. BUT GOD, DID SHE ADORE HER DADDY. SHE WOULD HERE HIM WALKING UP THE FRONT STEPS AND BOOK TO THE DOOR FOR HIM TO PICK HER UP AND TAKE HER TO THE BACK DOOR WITH HIM TO LET THE DOG OUT. IF HE DIDN'T TAKE HER TO THE BACK DOOR WITH HIM SHE FREAKED!! I WOULD WATCH THE TWO OF THEM SOMETIMES AND THE WAY THEY LOOKED AT ONE ANOTHER WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE ME CRY THEY BOTH IDOLIZED ONE ANOTHER!! THIS WAS HIS FIRST CHILD(DAUGHTER) AND SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HIM WHILE HE WASN'T HOME. WHY DO THINGS WORK OUT THE WAY THEY DO?? WHY WAS I LEFT HERE ALONE TO HANDLE THAT NIGHT-GOD KNOWS FRANK IS THE STRONG ONE IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!! BUT I DO KNOW IN MY HEART AND SOUL I DID EVERYTHING TO KEEP THAT LITTLE GIRL HERE, BUT NOTHING WORKED. I FELT AS THOUGH I FAILED, AND THEN I FELT AS THOUGH I DID EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE. YOU JUST SEEM TO BOUNCE FROM THEORY TO THEORY. I JUST WISH I COULD APOLOGIZE TO HER FOR NOT BEING ABLE AS HER MOMMY TO HELP HER. I WAS HER MOMMY AND I COULDN'T HELP HER AND THAT MY FRIENDS HURTS LIKE A BITCH.
HER BIRTHDAY IS COMING REALLY SOON AND I AM SCARED! I AM SO ANGRY WITH GOD, AND YA KNOW THAT'S OKAY. HE LOVES ME AND HE KNOWS HOW WE LOVED HER, HE ALSO KNOWS HOW FRANK,ALEX AND I FEEL RIGHT NOW. HE KNEW WE COULD FIGHT TO GET THROUGH THIS, AND MAKE IT THROUGH IT- WE WERE STRONG ENOUGH PEOPLE TO HANDLE THIS( LORD, KNOW I WISH I WAS THE WEAKEST LINK AND I COULD STILL HAVE MY DAUGHTER) BUT HAD WE BEEN WEAK WE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN BLESSED WITH AN ANGEL IN DISGUISE.