Things I Need To Say......
God Bug!! I miss you so much!! I just wish I could hold you and love you for a little bit longer!! I look at pictures of you and I can't wrap myself around any of this. I can't figure out if we did something or didn't do enough for you? Was it something genetic? Was it something between Daddy and I that just doesn't mix? I can't under stand how or why, but there I go again torturing myself because these answers I will never have. Alex and I were talking in the doctors office lastnight and I asked him what he was getting me for Chrsitmas and he told me he got it already, I asked him if he was getting you back for me and he said "Mommy I ask everynight for us to have her back". I then asked him if he had you here today, what would he do with you, and his reply was" I would play with her until she fell asleep with me!!" I picture the two of you playing in the new house together and it sucks that your not here anymore!! AWhy did you leave bug?? Why?? You completed us all!! We are sorting through things with someone trying to get answers for this Bug, don't think for a second we are just accepting this without a fight because we won't!! You should know us better than that ecspecially that Daddy of yours!! He feels helpless that he can't get you back for me and Alex never mind himself!! You know him would do anything for the three of us at all times and I know this has to be driving him nuts that he is completely not in control of this one!! I think since you left us though you have made alot of positive things happen for us and I do appreciate that however I would much rather have you back though!! =) But I'm sure you know that!! I hope you like that Christmas tree, I can picture you just staring at it with that gleam and glitter in your eyes!! Anything you were interested and enjoyed looking at you always had that gleam and glow in those beautiful angel eyes of yours!! I need you to come and let us know that Christmas eve you are there with us all as well as Christmas morning!! There will be present sunder the tree for you with your name on them!! I promise!! I miss you baby girl!! Starting to go cross eyed now. Can't see the keyboard..I love you baby!! Oh wait forgot to tell you, I had a license plate made up for the truck, it says mismybug!!
posted by Angel In Disguise at 11/28/2006 10:28:00 AM
6 Comments:
It is so hard for me to comment on your blog because every time I read your entries- I cry. I just wish I knew the right thing to say or the right thing to do. But~ there is no "right thing". Somtimes I read your entries and I feel "Oh I am so happy- she seems like she is having a good day" and sometimes I just want to go to you, grab you, hold you and never let you go. I understand this is going to be a tough time of year for you all, and no holiday season will ever be the same. That little angel is up there watching over each and everyone one of you and she will come to you and bless you this season. I will get down there to see her Christmas tree for sure~ I am sure she just loves that she has her very own special tree. xoxoxox
Thank you Donielle!! It is all of you that comment and give us your words that gets us through this!! Frank may not put on blog entries but he reads what I write and reads everyone's comments and it helps. It helps to know that everyone still thinks of her as well as us!! She is watching over us all and that means you guys too!! I am sure she doesn't miss a beat, she did't when she was here and she has a far better view now!!Thank you so much for being there!! You have no idea how happy I am to have established a relationship with both you and Tina!! You both are two great people!! Love you guys!!
I think about her and you guys every single day~ I know the pain I feel in MY heart, the pain you all must feel is just unbearable for me to understand. I look at my son and pray to God he won't take him from me, I am scared all the time. When something like this happens it is a HUGE eye opener. Life is so precious and I get mad at myself when I catch myself caring about the unimportant things in life~ especially when you have heartache like you are feeling. I am grateful as well for the relationship we have formed, it is very special to me~ that is Hailey hard at work up there...making a difference in our lives.
Yes she is working hard up there for us all!! If I had to guess Donielle we now have someone up there working directly fir us all as a family and I can't see Hailey allowing another innocent from our family to be taken!!What is important is that you learned the lesson from all of this and you now know how to recognize what is and what isn't important! You would be suprised because there were alot of people who didn't learn a thing from this lesson we were all given for some reason or another!! None of us deserved to be put through what we went through however just live in honor of her everyday!!I do!!
I cannot comprehend that this could not effect anyone's life tremendously and make you think about things that are "really" important in life. It's so important to treasure what you have and especially who you have around you every single day. I have a warm place in my heart when i think of Hailey watching over all of us~ My thoughts and prayers are always with you guys, please know that.
Amanda, I am so very sorry about everything you and your famiy are going through. Your daughter was a beautiful little Angel. I wish i could have been there for you. I know now how you feel when it comes to your daughter. As you know, my daughter Lily was born a very sick little girl. I knew the whole time i was pregnant, but i still wanted to have her. She went into heart failure after being here only eight days and they operated on her after 11 days. They found an aneurismic tunnel in her heart which is very rare. They sewed it closed and said she would be fine. She is now on a lot of medication, for her heart to pump better and for her blood pressure. The Cardiologist has expressed his desire to do another surgery and replace her valves. I pray every day this will not happen. And they have also stated that Lily's heart problem could be genetic. To be honest i refuse to get her tested. I dont need me or my husband blaming each other. Do you think heart problems may run in our family? I hope not. I am not having any more kids though.
I miss you Amanda, and i wish i could give you a big hug and take away your pain. You are such a sweet and caring person, and i wish this never happened. I dont really know how to express myself lately, i just know i am in a lot of pain too, and i think we could help each other out. You and your family are in my prayers every night.-Melanie
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