THINKING BACK

YOU THINK BACK TO THOSE DAYS AND WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT TODAY SHE WOULDN'T BE HERE WITH US...THAT WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE AND I NEVER THOUGHT FOR A SECOND THAT SOMEONE COULD TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME. I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS SUCH A GOOD MOMMY AND I WATCHED MY CHILDREN LIKE A HAWK AND I DID NOTHING BUT TRY TO INSTILL THE BEST IN THEM TO ALWAYS MAKE THE BEST DECISIONS IN LIFE. BUT NOW I SEE, NOW I SEE THAT EVEN BEING A MOMMY YOU DON'T HAVE CONTROL OVER EVERYTHING! I REMEMBER THAT DAY, I REMEMBER JUST LOOKING AT HER AND THINKING I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE IS MINE, I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE MY VERY OWN LITTLE GIRL. SOMEONE WHO IS GOING TO GROW UP AND BE MY BEST FRIEND AS I WITH MY MOM.THAT WAS STOLEN FROM ME!! ONEDAY I WOKE UP IN THE MORNING AND FOLLOWED MY DAILY ROUTINE AND TOOK MY LITTLE GIRL TO THE DOCTORS TO ONLY COME HOME TO A NIGHTMARE. THE NEXT MORNING AFTER THAT NIGHT I SWORE I WAS GOING TO WAKE UP AND NOT BE AT MY SISTERS, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO WAKE UP AND FIND THIS ALL TO BE A DREAM. NOPE... I DID, I WOKE UP AT MY SISTERS AND REMEMBER LOOKING OUT HER SKY LIGHT IN THE LIVING ROOM BEFORE ANYONE ELSE WAS AWAKE AND THOUGHT TO MYSELF AS A SIEGEL FLEW OVER I WONDER IF SHE'S UP THERE LOOKING DOWN RIGHT NOW?THATS WHEN I HEARD EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE WAKE UP, I HEARD THEM LET THE DOG OUT AND THATS WHEN I REALIZED LIFE IS STILL GOING ON. I THINK I THOUGHT BECAUSE WE LOST HAILEY LIFE WAS GOING TO STOP FOR US ALL. IT'S ALMOST LIKE THAT IS WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR. REALLY THINK ABOUT THIS AND GIVE ME A BETTER ANSWER THEN WHAT OTHERS HAVE GIVEN: IF ONEDAY YOU CAME HOME FROM WORK AND TOOK YOUR CHILD TO THE DOCTORS AND RETURNED HOME FOR NOT EVEN ONE HOUR AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW WHILE FEEDING YOUR CHILDREN DINNER YOUR ON THE FLOOR GIVING CPR TO YOUR CHILD WHO THEN DIES IN YOUR ARMS ON THAT VERY FLOOR , HOW DOES LIFE GO ON?? HOW DO WE DO THIS GUYS, AND I DON'T MEAN JUST ME, I MEAN ALL OF US.ANYONE OF US WHO HAILEY TOUCHED!! THE ONLY THING I HAVE COME TO A POINT OF IS THAT I LIVE EVERY DAY FOR HER, I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND SHE IS THE FIRST THING ON MY MIND, I GET TO WORK AND SHE IS THE FIRST THING ON MY MIND, I EAT LUNCH AND SHE IS ALL THAT IS ON MY MIND ETC... I CANNOT FATHOM WHAT IT IS THAT WE DID TO DESERVE THIS, WHAT IT IS THAT ANYONE DOES TO DESERVE SUCH A NIGHTMARE!! I JUST TRY AND PICTURE HER RUNNING INTO THE KITCHEN OR WHAT T WOULD BE LIKE TO HAVE HE HERE IN THE NEW HOUSE. WOULD SHE LIKE IT HERE, WE ALL KNOW HOW HAILEY LOVED TO BE HOME!! SHE WAS MY LITTLE HERMIT AND I REALLY HAVE TO SAY SHE TURNED ME INTO A HERMIT. SHE LOVED TO BE HOME, SHE WANTED TO BE HOME IN HER LIVINGROOM WITH HER TOYS SPREAD OUT ALL OVER THE FLOOR WITH THE TV ON!! THAT MADE HER DAY!! OH AND SHE LOVED SUNDAYS SHE KNEW WHERE TO FIND FRANK SITTING AT THE KITCHEN COUNTER WATCHING TV AND SHE WOULD GO IN THERE AND MUNCH ON WHATEVER HE WAS STUFFING IN HIS MOUTH OR SHE WOULD BRING ONE BY ONE HER TOYS INTO THE BACKROOM TO PLAY WITH THEM, JUST TO BE CLOSER TO HER DADDY. BUT THEN SHE WOULD HERE LORI BERKNER COME ON TV AND SING " I GOT A SONG IN MY TUMMY" AND SHE WOULD GO FLYING BACK INTO THE LIVING ROOM TO WATCH ALL THE LITTLE KIDS ON TV. SHE LOVED KIDS, SHE LOVED WATCHING THEM, SHE LOVED PLAYING WITH THEM. NOW I TRULY BELIEVE HAILEY IS UP THERE TRYING TO MAKE THE BEST FOR THESE ILL CHILDREN THA ARE DOWN HERE AND IF SHE CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THE WAY TO HELP I SAY HE AS THE GATE WAITING TO GREET THEM AND SHOW THEM AROUND!!