JANUARY 14,2007

I HOPE EVERYONE WILL BE THERE ON THE 14TH!! REMEMBER:2:00 1/14/07, OUR LADY OF THE SNOW CHURCH, BLUE POINT AVENUE, BLUE POINT,N.Y.,11715.

TODAY WE WENT DOWN TO SET EVERYTHING UP WITH THE CHURCH AND IT WAS HARD. THEY ARE PUTTING TOGETHER A REALLY BEAUTIFUL CEREMONY FOR HER THOUGH. I DON'T KNOW WHY WE FEEL THE NEED TO DO THIS BUT WE DO. FOR SOME REASON WHEN THINGS LIKE THIS ARE DONE I FEEL AS THOUGH THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN GET HER ATTENTION DOWN HERE ON US. I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY BUT IT'S TRUE. I MISS HER MORE AND MORE EACH DAY, WHOEVER TOLD US TIME WILL HEAL, WELL THEY WERE WAY OFF. TIME DOESN'T HEAL, TIME DOESN'T MAKE IT EASIER OR ANY BETTER. TIME JUST GIVES YOU MORE TIME TO THINK,MORE TIME TO REALIZE SHE'S NOT COMING BACK NO MATTER HOW GOOD YOU TRY TO BE. I FEEL LIKE A LITTLE KID SOMETIMES THINKING THAT IF I AM GOOD MAYBE HE WILL GIVE HER BACK TO US. KIND OF LIKE THE SAME EFFECT AS SANTA CLAUS COMING FOR A CHILD, IF THE CHILD IS GOOD HE WILL COME....HAHAHA!!

SHE LEFT ME WITH AN OPEN WOUND, ONE THAT WILL NEVER CLOSE, HEAL ETC... MAYBE NOW AND THEN JUST GET OVERLY INFECTED!! FOR ANYONE THAT KNEW ME AND KNEW HOW I WAS WITH THAT LITTLE BUG YOU KNOW SHE WAS MY WORLD..MY BEST FRIEND. IT WAS A DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP THAN YOUR TYPICAL MOTHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP. IT WAS LIKE SHE AND I BOTH KNEW SOME HOW OR ANOTHER IT WAS GOING TO BE CUT SHORT. IT WAS LIKE WE COULD LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER AND JUST LIGHT EACH OTHER UP. NEVER DID I FEEL OVERWHELMED WITH HER. I FEEL GUILTY TODAY FOR NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME WITH HER. I FEEL LIKE THE FACT THAT I HAD TO WORK, I LOST THAT TIME WITH HER, OR THE TIME I WENT TO THE MALL AT NIGHT, CARLOS'S GRADUATION PARTY I DIDN'T GET TO PUT HER TO BED THAT NIGHT. I JUST WISH THOSE NIGHTS I DIDN'T GO AND DO THE THINGS I DID, AS I WOULD HAVE BEEN HOME WITH MY LITTLE BUG. I LOST TIME,PRECIOUS VALUABLE TIME. SO GOING BACK TO THE WHOLE TIME WORD,IT DOESN'T HEAL I BELIEVE ALL IT'S DOING TO US IS TORTURING US, HOWEVER AS A UNIT WE HAVE LEARNED THE HARD WAY THAT TIME WITH ONE ANOTHER IS PRECIOUS. LIVE FOR THE MOMENT BECAUSE YOU CAN NOT GET ONE HOUR AGO, YESTERDAY, ONE MONTH AGO ETC...BACK AGAIN. IT'S GONE YOU'VE LOST IT!

FRANK HAD A ROUGH DAY TODAY, COMPLETELY MY FAULT AS I READ HIM SOME POEMS TO CHOSE FROM FOR THE CEREMONY. I FEEL TERRIBLE. POOR MAN WENT INTO THE CHURCH WITH ME WITH HIS SUNGLASSES ON. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING. BESIDES THE FACT HE HELPED GIVE ME THE MOST WONDERFUL 23 MONTHS OF MY LIFE BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE IS A WONDERFUL PERSON. HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ALEX AND I. ACTUALLY REALLY HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ANYONE. HE TRULY IS A GOOD PERSON. IF YOU ARE READING THIS FRANK, I AM SORRY FOR MAKING YOU LISTEN TO ALL OF THE POEMS THIS MORNING AND I LOVE YOU!!!

I FOUND ALOT MORE PICTURES OF THE BUG THE OTHER DAY, I JUST HAVE TO SCAN THEM INTO THE COMPUTER AND I CAN START POSTING THEM!!