I thought about her so much this weekend......Not sure why but I found this weekend to be difficult. Could it be the move and yet again not having her come with me? Or maybe the fact of I am moving again and I have my Bella and feel guilty for that. I am so happy that I am moving and taking "my little girl" with me this time so maybe there is guilt for that??
Bella watched Haileys DVD this weekend. She liked watching it, not just because there was another baby that looked like she, but also because there were other familiar faces. I must tell you though when the DVD ended and she looked at me and asked me for more....I had to tell her there was no more...that was hard!! They are both amazing little girls, two little girls and 1 little boy who have all drastically changed who I am and who I will be in life.
I find it amazing how people can come into your life for a brief period of time and change everything. Right down the line from the person you are and the paths that you will take in life. People just mold us into new people everyday......... You can have your trust stolen from you to finding someone who can give it all right back to you.
I miss her I miss her everyday. Maybe I don't get to the cemetary as much as others. But I don't feel I need to get down there to talk to her. I actually feel her more when I pop her DVD on or when the wind blows the leaves. Sitting at the cemetary only shows me that she is gone and thats where we laid her but shes not there. She is everywhere....I don't need to look at a stone and talk to my daughter, I think of her and talk to her in my head and I know, she hears me and knows the pain I feel for losing her. I come here and I vent and I know she sees what I am going to writing before I even put it on here.
Mother, please don’t mourn for me;
I’m still here, though you don’t see.
I’m right by your side each night and day
And within your heart I long to stay.
My body is gone but I’m always near
I’m everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I’ll never depart
As long as you keep me alive in your heart.
I’ll never wander out of your sight.
I’m the brightest stat on a summer night.
I’ll never be beyond your reach.
I’m the warm, moist sand when you’re at the beach.
I’m the colorful leaves when fall comes around
And the pure, white snow that blankets the ground.
I’m the beautiful flowers of which you are so fond.
The clear, cool water in a quiet pond.
I’m the first bright blossom you’ll see in the spring;
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I’m the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
And you’ll see that the face in the moon is mine.
When you start thinking there’s no one to love you,
You can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I’ll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
And you’ll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I’m the hot, salty tears that flow when you weep
And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I’m the smile you see on a baby’s face.
Just look for me, Mommy, I’m everyplace!
