'TIS THE SEASON!!

Whelp here come the holidays...... We will be okay though, our little Hailey will get us through them torture free I have faith in her!! I am almost positive she will make or do something to make the Holidays wonderful in memory of her!! I live everyday of my life for my daughter. I am so careful of who I am, the things I do,and the things I say as I know my daughter who once was here and was able to love and love me is looking down watching every move I make. I make sure that the things I do are correct to make sure I end up with her in the end of it all. She made me and will continue to make me who I am for the rest of my life. Everyday, every moment that little girl is on my mind. Everything I see, touch, hear is some kind of reminder of our little bug!! The picture that I am going to attempt to post with this entry was this time of year last yeat, just last year I was pumpkin picking with my two children. This year there is a big part missing. She had so much fun. She was dancing, she got to see the toy trains all over the place, she got to pick up her own mini pumpkin, she danced to the band that they had playing there, and she also got to do a hayride. I am so thankful for the memories that I have. I get so angry that he took her away from us and then I stop and remind myself how I am still one up on him, I have those memories that no matter what cannot be stolen away from me. So he may have a big piece of me but he doesn't have what I have and thats those awesome happy memories!!It hurts, it hurts everyday. There isn't a day where my eyes don't fill up with tears. This weekend we were driving to the store and there was a really bad accident.A car hit a motorcycle and by the time we got to the seen, the cops were all over the road was shut doen and all you saw was the motorcycle bent in half. A year ago I would have thought to myself how sad and continued my day, however yesterday seeing that it was like I felt that families pain and as I looked around and saw all of the cops and ambulances etc.. it brought tears to my eyes. Beisdes the cops and sirens triggering my own memories but also why should any family have to experience a young loss?? Is taking the old and sick not good enough? Why does he have to take the young and innocent??

Couldn't get the picture on for some reason blogger has been giving a hard time with uploading pictures!! Sorry I will try again later!!

Pumpkin time.....................

Not sure how this halloween is going to be. I am almost scared to walk into a costume store to get Alex's costume. I knew what I was going to make Hailey for halloween this year.Even pumpkin picking I don't want to do it but I have to. I look at the people accrossed the street from me and they get to take their two year old pumpkin picking this year and they are so excited about it, where is this fair. Where is it fair that I have to pick my chin up and take Alex to the pumpkin farms and see a ton of other people with their little ones and I don't have mine. I am not asking for something to happen to all of these other children just give me mine back. I wanna see her run through the corn stalk maze and sit on the pumpkins. I want to see her pick up the rotten apple on the ground and get it all over her hands.I want my time back with my little girl and I can't get it. I only hope people see what they have in life. I will never ask why me but I can whine and moan and cry about it!!!!I took her lastyear to the pumkin field and she had a blast, I don't know what its going to be like this year and that scares me!!