Donielle got me started!!

Look at that face smooshed into her life preserver, but did she have a blast that day!!!To every picture attached is a memory!!

Donielle got me started!! Donielle posted a comment on the one below this about the picture of Hailey with my bra around her neck!! So now I have to tell all the story of the bra and any other clothes she could find!! In our old house I would hang clothes that I didn't put in the dryer on a drying rack in the dining room and Hailey thought that I was hanging them for her all of the time!! Oneday I came home from work and she had a shirt of Alex's on, it was yellow witha navy stripe going through it.She wore that shirt all day and none of us could take it off of her. She walked around with that shirt daily from that day on callin herself Alex!! She adored her big brother,she idolized him, the two of them together was amazing, the most amaxing thing I ever saw. However then one weekend Hailey I guess couldn't find her shirt and decided to go to the drying rack andpick something else, whelp she came trotting into the kitchen with my bra around her neck,trippin all over it!! Frank and I were histerically laughing!! In regards to the yellow shirt Alex still has it and will never give it up!!I can't blame him because I think if he tried to give it up, I wouldn't allow it!!LOL!!!
God I miss her its amazing how you forget these things until something triggers those memories. I can only explain it as she was not ust my daughter, she was my everything!! There were many weekend when Alex would go to his dads and Frank was at work and it was always me and my bug!! We were always together!! And I loved every minute of it,I just wish I knew that I wasn't going to have forever with her. I wish I knew I wasn't going to see her grow up,watch her go to school the first time, her first best friend,her first boyfriend,her first broken heart,her prom,her graduation,her engagment,her wedding,her children etc....You don't realize the time thats is taken for granted in life until its lost...................

ALWAYS ON MY MIND

I AM SITTING HERE WATCHING TV ND A COMMERCIAL CAME ON. ACTUALLY IT WASN'T A COMMERCIAL IT WAS A COMING ATTRACTION FOR A MOVIE THE LAST NIMSY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. IT HAD A LITTLE GIRL IN IT SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE WITH I GUESS WHAT APPEARED TO BE HER OLDER BROTHER AND THE BROTHER SAID SOMETING ABOUT HER CHEWING ON A DEAD COW AND SHE MUMBLED SOMETHING WITH ALL OF THE FOOD IN HER MOUTH AND I LOSE IT. IT MADE ME THINK THAT THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ALEX AND HAILEY SITTING AT THE TABLE AND ALEX TEASING HER AND ME GETTING TO HEAR HER LITTLE VOICE RESPOND. BUT WE WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT THTA LITTLE VOICE SOUNDS LIKE OR WHAT HER LITTLE FACE WOULD HAVE GROWN INTO. WHETHER SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN A MODEL OR AN ACTRESS OR EVEN A DOCTOR, SHE WOULD HAVE MADE A DIFERENCE IN THIS WORLD THAT I AM SURE OF AS FOR THE SHORT 23 MONTHS THTA SHE WAS HERE SHE MADE SUCH A DIFFERENCE IN MINE. IT HURTS DAY IN AND DAY OUT WHEN I SEE OTHER FAMILIES TOGETHER AND I KNOW NOTHING IS MISSING YET SOMETHING IS MAJORLY MISSING IN MINE.

HOW SHOULD WE FEEL

NOT SURE HOW WE SHOULD FEEL AFTER THE NEWS WE RECEIVED TODAY. A RUMOR HAS IT THAT ONE OF THE DOCTORS THAT OUR DAUGHTER WAS UNDER THE CARE OF WAS FIRED AND THE REASON THIS DOCTOR WAS FIRED WAS DUE TO HAVING TOO MANY WRONGFUL DEATHS UNDER HIS CARE. HOW SHOULD WE FEEL? WHEN WILL THIS RAGE OF PAIN AND ANGER BE OVER, IT FEELS LIKE A FRESH WOUND IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE JUST POURED SALT IN AN OPEN CUT!!TO KNOW THIS INFORMATION AND HAVE TO WONDER WAS OUR LITTLE GIRL ONE OF HIS WRONGFUL SIUTATIONS OR WAS THERE TRULY NO SAVING HER. AND THEN I GO BACK AND I THINK OF ALL THE NEGATIVE THINGS THIS MAN SAID TO ME ON THE MOST HORRID NIGHT OF MY LIFE AND I CAN ONLY HELP TO THINK THAT IT IS TRULY A POSSIBILITY THAT SHE WASN'T MEANT TO LEAVE THIS WORLD YET, MAYBE SHE IS STILL MEANT TO BE HERE. I HAVE ONE THING THAT IS SAVIN GRACE RIGHT NOW AND I KNOW IT MAY SOUND COMPLETELY OUT IN LEFT FIELD BUT IF THIS IS ALL TRUE MAYBE SHE IS COMING BACK REAL SOON ONLY IN A HEALTHY BODY........................................

IT HURTS DAMN IT!!!!

Guilty days...........

DId you ever wonder why things happen the way they happen in life?? I just find it sometimes I guess in one way interesting but in another frusterating!! I cannot understand for the life of me why things happen or how they happen but I can understand the emotions that we are left with after the fact. As I have said numerous times you have your days but lately I don't know why or maybe I do know why however I feel guilty for something, not sure if its because I feel I haven't been making it to the cemetary or because our new news but whatever it is the guilt is there and I am riding it lately everyday and it makes me moody and hard to deal with. I don't like my attitude lately but sometimes I cannot control it. It is hard to feel guilt on a daily basis and not knw exactly what is bringing the guilt on. Lastnight Frank was at the cemetary and I called him not knowing he was there and he answered the phone and thr phone hung up on me. So I figured he would eventually call me back, he then got into his car and called me back. I asked "why did you hang up on me", He replied while laughing"Babe I didn't hang up on you I swear that must of been Hailey", I asked "what do you mean??" He said"I had plenty of service and I didn't touch a single button on the phone, but you interrupted a conversation between her and I" Do you understand how that made me feel, feeling guilty already and then he adds to it by telling me my daughter hung up on me!! Sorry I gotta go to the cemetary....I will add more later!!! Me and my little bug need to have a chat!!LOL!!!

just a pic. and a few words

I haven't been on in awhile, haven't had a computer at home to use so I actually have a minute at work right now to catch everyone up!! And to say hi to my little angel girl!! She knows even though I don't post on here, she is always on my mind. Never a second that goes by where I am either not thinking about her or talking to her. She was my life and she will always be.I talk to her somtimes as though she is sitting right there next to me, theres night where I lye in bed and Frank hasn't made it to bed yet and I ask her to come cuddle with me. I know it sounds crazy ut no one can judge....if this is the craziest thing I do from all of this then I think thats pretty damn good!! HAHAHA!!

Whelp I have to get back to work but I wanted to let her know I was thinking of her and I also just wanted to post a picture of her!!