Keep Praying

Please everyone pray harder....This poor little trooper,little Timmy and the rest of our family..He went for surgery and everything went well, however after surgery the other day he started to spike a fever.Today they just figured out why, they have found fluid under his skin and they are getting him ready to go back in for more surgery. This little boy has had more surgery then you could even imagine. Please everyone pray harder than before for this surgery to go smoothly and allow him to heal quickly as a little innocent baby should!! Also say a prayer for the family while they are in Boston Childrens Hospital waiting patiently with his twin sister Jilly.

Hailey please go watch over your cousin he could use your assistance at the moment!!If there is any point where I ask you for something, make this is baby girl: please make him better quickly so they could come home.

I WANT.....................................

I WANT TO CRY RIGHT NOW I WANT TO GO HOME AND BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF HER RIGHT NOW. I WISH I COULD JUST GO HOME AND PLAY WITH HER, FEED HER,HOLD HER, HUG HER ETC... IT HURTS RIGHT NOW ALOT AND I WANT THIS FEELING TO GO AWAY RIGHT NOW!! I CN HEAR HER LAUGHING IN MY HEAD, I CAN SEE HER SMILE, I CAN HEAR HER CALL MY NAME, I CAN HEAR HER YELL AT ALEX, I CAN HEAR HER LITTLE FOOTSTEPS RUN TO THE FRONT DOOR WHEN SHE KNOWS HER DADDY IS HOME. I WANT THOSE THINGS BACK!! AND I WANT THEM BACK RIGHT NOW!!

NORMALCY

I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW I USED TO FEEL INSIDE. I FORGET WHO I ONCE WAS.I WANT THIS HURT AND MASS CONFUSION TO GO AWAY. I WANT MY FAMILY BACK TO THE WAY IT ONCE WAS, I CAN'T SAY NORMAL BECAUSE THIS IS NORMAL, THIS IS GOING TO BE NORMAL FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.
I MISS MY LITTLE BUG. I WENT TO MARSHALLS THE OTHER DAY AND I WAS AT THE CHECK OUT LINE AND A VALENTINES DAY DECORATION CAUGHT MY EYE. IT WAS THE LAST ONE AND I HAD TO BUY IT. IT IS 3 LADY BUGS CLIMBING ACROSS THE TOP OF A BUNCH OF LETTERS THAT READ "BUGS AND KISSES", SO OBVIOUSLY THAT WAS MY SIGN, THAT WAS MY SIGN THAT NOT ONLY DOES SHE WANT ME TO DECORATE FOR VALENTINES DAY FOR HER BUT, SHE WAS LETTING ME KNOW THAT I AM BEING WATCHED BY HER AND SHE MISSES HUGGING AND KISSING US!! I CAN'T WAIT TO GET DOWN THERE TO PUT IT DOWN THERE.
SOMEONE TOOK THE GRAVE BLANKET THAT WE HAD DOWN THERE, ALONG WITH HER CONES FOR THE FLOWERS TO GO IN,THIS BOTHERS ME!!I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TAKE THINGS AWAY THAT THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH. WE AS HER MOM AND DAD PUT THAT DOWN THERE, WHO ARE THEY TO TAKE IT AWAY??IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS DYING OR ANYTHING!! OKAY I VENTED!!
HOW PATHETIC PICTURE NUMBER ONE IS A PICTURE THAT WE TOOK ON OUR WAY TO TAKING HAILEY TO THE DOCTORS AND PICTURE NUMBER 2 IS A PICTURE OF HER AT THE DOCTORS, HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE PICTURES TO POST OF THEIR CHILDREN AT THE DOCTORS??!! AND THE SADDEST PART IS I HAVE MORE THAN THIS!!ANY YET SHE HAS A SMILE ON HER FACE, AS ALWAYS!! I LOVE YOU BABY!!

YOUR LITTLE ANGEL SERVICES ARE NEEDED BUG!!

I KNOW YOU KNOW WHERE TO BE RIGHT NOW, AND I CAN ONLY ASSUME YOU ARE THERE WATCHING OVER HIM AND HIS FAMILY. PLEASE MAKE LITTLE TIMMY SAFE DURING HIS SURGERY AND ALLOW HIM TO HEAL QUICKLY AND COME HOME WITHIN A BLINK OF AN EYE!!

PLEASE EVERYONE THAT READS THIS BLOG SAY A PRAYER FOR TIMMY AND HIS FAMILY. THIS IS TIMMY'S LAST SURGERY, AND THEY SAY IT IS GOING TO BE ALONG SURGERY AS WELL AS NOT FUN AFTERWARD FOR THE LITTLE TROOPER!! SO PLEASE MAKE SURE TO TAKE A MINUTE OUT OF YOUR DAY AND KEEP THE MCINERNEY'S IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!!

IT WAS THE SICKEST THING....

Lastnight we were watching the movie "Firewall" and in that movie there is a part where the little boy has a peanut allergy and eats a cookie with peanuts in them, needless to say the little buy goes into anaphalantic shock(don't know how to spell that..sorry). The mother was flipping out while her son's lips were turning blue and he was not breathing. She was holding her son and talking to him and God at the same time. I guess knowing that feeling inside and watching this movie lastnight it made everything from that night with Hailey come rushing back. I went hysterical in Frank's shoulder, I was crying like a little kid, hyperventilating and all. I felt that helpless feeling again. Let me tell you, I forgot how I felt that night and now I remember all over again and it is the sickest feeling.

1/16/06;1/16/07 5:08-6:30P.M.

Where do I begin!! What a day!! We were okay though. We both took off from work and went and did a few things that needed to be done as far as Hailey is concerned. It was sad when 5:08 rolled around. I remember being in my hallway shortly after that giving her CPR and talking to God asking him to please help her thinking she was choking. I remember before they had me do CPR on her, holding her in my arms as she went unconscious. How many people have to experience their children dying in their arms. Her death certificate says she died in the hospital at 6:30, I know better she died at home in her mummy's arms and as hard as that is atleast when she went through that she wasn't alone in a hospital surrounded by people she didn't know.I felt that little girl, our daughter leave this world in my arms. I cannot understand for the life of me why this happened, but it sucks!! The church service the other day I have to say was beautiful!! He did a really nice job!!
As I was driving home from work lastnight, I was thinking how I just wish when I walked through the door she would be there to run into my arms and obviously she wasn't but however when I did get home, I did my first usual thing and let the dog outside forgetting that her Christmas tree is now in my back yard. When I let the dog out I noticed something glowing bright in the back yard and it was her tree glowing bright for the first time since we brought it home from the cemetery. I thought to myself whelp Amanda, theres your greeting!! I called Frank and told him, neither one of us noticed that tree lit since we brought it home, so I know that was Hailey greeting me the only way she could right now!!

YUCKIE DAY,YUCKIE MONTH

HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY TODAY!! FEEL VERY YUCKIE INSIDE. I COULD PROBABLY SIT HERE AND TYPE ALL DAY WHILE THE TEARS FLOW. I MISS HER, I MISS HER SO MUCH. WHERE IS THIS FAIR?? WHERE IS IT FAIR THAT WE HAVE TO HURT? WHERE IS IT FAIR THAT SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING AND HE JUST TOOK HER AWAY AS THOUGH IT WAS OK OR SOMETHING. I NEED HER, I WISH I COULD WRAP MY ARMS AROUND HER RIGHT NOW. I WISH I COULD JUST EVEN SEE HER TO BLOW HER A KISS. GOD, THIS SUCKS. THIS FEELING IN THE BACK OF MY THROAT AS I TRY TO FIGHT THE TEARS BECAUSE I AM SICK OF CRYING, I AM AT WORK AND DON'T WANT TO DRAW ATTENTION TO MYSELF AS THE TEARS FALL.SO I FIGHT THE TEARS AND IT BURNS MY THROAT, NEVER MIND THE FACT THAT I QUIT SMOKING SO I CAN'T EVEN GO OUTSIDE TO SMOKE A CIGARETTE AND RELIEVE THE STRESS THAT WAY. WHY DID HE MAKE THIS HAPPEN?? WHY COULDN'T HE LET US KEEP HER JUST FOR AWHILE LONGER ATLEAST?? WHY WAS I AT HOME ALONE WHEN THIS HAPPEND WHY COULDN'T FRANK BE THERE WITH ME, IF HE MADE IT HAPPEN ON A SUNDAY FRANK ATLEAST COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. WHY DID IT GO DOWN THE WAY IT DID??
I JUST HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND I FIND WHEN I AM HAVING ONE OF THOSE BAD DAYS OF MINE THATS WHEN ALL THE QUESTIONS SURFACE. THANKS FOR LISTENING!!

DON'T FORGET THIS SUNDAY 1/14/2007 AT 2:00 OUR LADY OF THE SNOW,BLUE POINT AVENUE,BLUE POINT, N.Y., 11715 A SPECIAL MEMORIAL MASS FOR OUR LITTLE BUG!!!

HAILEY HAS A NEW COUSIN!!

GABRIEL JOHN WAS BORN YESTERDAY 1/9/07 HE IS 7 POUNDS 10 OUNCES AND 201/2 INCHES LONG. CONGRATULATIONS JANESSA,JOHN AND SARAH!! AND YES HAILEY HAS A NEW COUSIN, A NEW MEMBER TO THE FAMILY AND I BET YOU ALL ARE THINKING THAT HAILEY AND HER NEW COUSIN NEVERMET, WHELP I THINK I HAVE A WHOLE DIFFERENT THEORY ON THAT. I THINK HAILEY AND GABRIEL MET ALREADY. I THINK HAILEY PICKED HIM OUT FOR JOHN AND JANESSA AND YOU TOO SARAH!! I AM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL TONIGHT SO WHEN I GET HOME I WILL POST HIS LITTLE PICTURE WITH THIS ENTRY!!!

I ALSO WANT TO THANK THAT LITTLE BUG OF OURS ONCE AGAIN FOR MAKING EVERYTHING GO SMOOTH FOR JANESSA AND GIVING JOHN AND JANESSA A BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY(MOST IMPORTANT HANDSOME LITTLE MAN!!)

JANESSA I AM SO SORRY I COULDN'T BE THERE BUT I THINK YOU NEEDED THE MEDICAL ATTENTION MORE THAN I!! LOL!!

JANUARY 14,2007

I HOPE EVERYONE WILL BE THERE ON THE 14TH!! REMEMBER:2:00 1/14/07, OUR LADY OF THE SNOW CHURCH, BLUE POINT AVENUE, BLUE POINT,N.Y.,11715.

TODAY WE WENT DOWN TO SET EVERYTHING UP WITH THE CHURCH AND IT WAS HARD. THEY ARE PUTTING TOGETHER A REALLY BEAUTIFUL CEREMONY FOR HER THOUGH. I DON'T KNOW WHY WE FEEL THE NEED TO DO THIS BUT WE DO. FOR SOME REASON WHEN THINGS LIKE THIS ARE DONE I FEEL AS THOUGH THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN GET HER ATTENTION DOWN HERE ON US. I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY BUT IT'S TRUE. I MISS HER MORE AND MORE EACH DAY, WHOEVER TOLD US TIME WILL HEAL, WELL THEY WERE WAY OFF. TIME DOESN'T HEAL, TIME DOESN'T MAKE IT EASIER OR ANY BETTER. TIME JUST GIVES YOU MORE TIME TO THINK,MORE TIME TO REALIZE SHE'S NOT COMING BACK NO MATTER HOW GOOD YOU TRY TO BE. I FEEL LIKE A LITTLE KID SOMETIMES THINKING THAT IF I AM GOOD MAYBE HE WILL GIVE HER BACK TO US. KIND OF LIKE THE SAME EFFECT AS SANTA CLAUS COMING FOR A CHILD, IF THE CHILD IS GOOD HE WILL COME....HAHAHA!!

SHE LEFT ME WITH AN OPEN WOUND, ONE THAT WILL NEVER CLOSE, HEAL ETC... MAYBE NOW AND THEN JUST GET OVERLY INFECTED!! FOR ANYONE THAT KNEW ME AND KNEW HOW I WAS WITH THAT LITTLE BUG YOU KNOW SHE WAS MY WORLD..MY BEST FRIEND. IT WAS A DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP THAN YOUR TYPICAL MOTHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP. IT WAS LIKE SHE AND I BOTH KNEW SOME HOW OR ANOTHER IT WAS GOING TO BE CUT SHORT. IT WAS LIKE WE COULD LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER AND JUST LIGHT EACH OTHER UP. NEVER DID I FEEL OVERWHELMED WITH HER. I FEEL GUILTY TODAY FOR NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME WITH HER. I FEEL LIKE THE FACT THAT I HAD TO WORK, I LOST THAT TIME WITH HER, OR THE TIME I WENT TO THE MALL AT NIGHT, CARLOS'S GRADUATION PARTY I DIDN'T GET TO PUT HER TO BED THAT NIGHT. I JUST WISH THOSE NIGHTS I DIDN'T GO AND DO THE THINGS I DID, AS I WOULD HAVE BEEN HOME WITH MY LITTLE BUG. I LOST TIME,PRECIOUS VALUABLE TIME. SO GOING BACK TO THE WHOLE TIME WORD,IT DOESN'T HEAL I BELIEVE ALL IT'S DOING TO US IS TORTURING US, HOWEVER AS A UNIT WE HAVE LEARNED THE HARD WAY THAT TIME WITH ONE ANOTHER IS PRECIOUS. LIVE FOR THE MOMENT BECAUSE YOU CAN NOT GET ONE HOUR AGO, YESTERDAY, ONE MONTH AGO ETC...BACK AGAIN. IT'S GONE YOU'VE LOST IT!

FRANK HAD A ROUGH DAY TODAY, COMPLETELY MY FAULT AS I READ HIM SOME POEMS TO CHOSE FROM FOR THE CEREMONY. I FEEL TERRIBLE. POOR MAN WENT INTO THE CHURCH WITH ME WITH HIS SUNGLASSES ON. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING. BESIDES THE FACT HE HELPED GIVE ME THE MOST WONDERFUL 23 MONTHS OF MY LIFE BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE IS A WONDERFUL PERSON. HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ALEX AND I. ACTUALLY REALLY HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ANYONE. HE TRULY IS A GOOD PERSON. IF YOU ARE READING THIS FRANK, I AM SORRY FOR MAKING YOU LISTEN TO ALL OF THE POEMS THIS MORNING AND I LOVE YOU!!!

I FOUND ALOT MORE PICTURES OF THE BUG THE OTHER DAY, I JUST HAVE TO SCAN THEM INTO THE COMPUTER AND I CAN START POSTING THEM!!

ARE YOU COMING??

I WANT TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT ON SUNDAY 1/14/07 AT 2:00 WE WILL BE HAVING A CHURCH SERVICE FOR HAILEY AS ONE WAS NOT DONE WHEN SHE PASSED AWAY. WE FEEL WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING MORE IN LIGHT OF HER. IT WILL BE AT THE SAME CHURCH SHE WAS BAPTIZED AT OUR LADY OF THE SNOW, BLUE POINT AVENUE, BLUE POINT, N.Y., 11715. WE WOULD REALLY LIKE IT IF EVERYONE CAME AND JOINED US!! HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!

THE NEW YEAR!! WOW!! WHELP WE GOT THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS TOGETHER, AND I MUST SAY WE DID A GOOD JOB FACING EVERY HORRID MOMENT THROUGH THE DAYS WE HAD TO FACE!! THERE ARE POINT WHERE I CAN LOOK AT FRANK AND TELL HE WAS HAVING IT ROUGH AND WE WOULD THEN GO OUTSIDE "TO SMOKE A CIGARETTE TOGETHER" BUT IN ALL REALITY WE WERE GOING OUTSIDE TO HOLD ONE ANOTHER AND BE THERE FOR ONE ANOTHER. I AM SO GLAD THAT WE CAN STILL DO THAT AFTER EVERYTHING WE HAVE HAD TO FACE FOR 2006!! WE CAN ONLY HOPE 2007 WILL BE A BETTER YEAR!! IT IS GOING TO BE HARD ANOTHER YEAR WITH OUT OUR LITTLE BUG BUT SHE WILL ONCE AGAIN PULL US THROUGH IT!! SHE WAS A TOUGH LITTLE COOKIE!!

I FIND IT SO INTERESTING ALL OF THE POSITIVE THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE SHE LEFT OUR WORLD! LOOK AT MY SISTER, SHE HAD SUCH A HARD TIME TRYING TO CONCEIVE LITTLE GABRIEL. AND POOF ON HAILEY'S BIRTHDAY SHE FOUND OUT SHE WAS PREGNANT AND NOW HER DUE DATE WAS POSSIBLE JUST PUSHED UP TO 1/16/07. TELL ME THE WORK OF THIS WAS NOT DONE BY OUR LITTLE GIRL AND YOU WILL HAVE A LOT OF CONVINCING TO DO!!

WE MISS HER AND WE WILL MISS HER FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES, BUT SHE WILL ALWAYS HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN OUR HEARTS AND I HOPE EVERYONE ELSE'S AS WELL. SHE LEFT THIS WORLD FOR A REASON, FOR A REASON WITH OUT NO WARNING. WE MAY NEVER HAVE THE REASON BUT IF WE ALL HOLD HER IN OUR THOUGHTS AND MEMORIES SHE WILL ALWAYS REMAIN HERE WITH US!! WE LOVE YOU BUG FACE!! JUST WISH WE COULD WRAP OUR ARMS AROUND YOU AGAIN!! JUST WISH I COULD HAVE ONE MORE NIGHT OF TUCKING YOU INTO BED AND SINGING YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE TO YOU!! OR PULLING DOWN YOUR SHADES AND HEARING YOU SAY "GOOD NIGHT WORLD"!! WHELP HAILEY MY BABY GOOD NIGHT TO YOU AND LOTS OF HUGS AND KISSES ARE SENT UP TO YOU EVERYNIGHT FROM US!!