Years later.......

Wow...so last night was one of the most emotional nights I have had in a long time. My 4 year old Isabella decided to watch Hailey's DVD last night. We watched it once together and then when it was over she had many questions and decided to watch it on her own again. About half way into it she ran into the kitchen to me hysterically crying and saying she couldn't watch it anymore. We talked and she sat me down and told me to close my eyes really hard and wish that God gave us Hailey back, because if we wished hard enough he would give her back to us. She had many questions like "why did he have to give her a bad heart?" I explained to her "because he needed her as an angel". She then wanted to know "why he didn't take her away from me?" I explained because he gave you to mommy because he knew he took Hailey from me and needed to give Mommy someone just as special.

She never did meet Hailey though she says she did in heaven. But I believe she should know about her sister. I have raised her to know and want to learn about Hailey. She was my daughter, her sister, Alex's sister etc...

Needless to say today Isabella has me thinking.... thinking about Hailey and how missed she is. No matter how much time goes by when that pain and hurt comes its as harsh as it was in the beginning. It doesn't come as often but when it does....it hits you. Its not all a negative feeling though, I like stopping and feeling. I like to know just because my life has gone on, I can still stop and remember her and remember the love I have for her. She was a special little girl and though I am not sure why he took her from me, I do like to think it is because she was special and he needed me to raise her as far as I did to make her one of his own special angels. She was with us last night and she is certainly around me today and I hope she knows how missed she is by us all.

xoxo