SO......INTERESTING YET QUITE EXCITING STORY!! LAST NIGHT FRANK AND I WERE IN THE LIVING ROOM IN WHICH WE RARELY SIT IN TO WATCH TV TOGETHER(NORMALLY EITHER IN BED OR IN THE KITCHEN) HOWEVER LAST NIGHT WE WERE IN THE LIVING ROOM WATCHING TV AND ISABELLA AND ALEX WERE IN BED FOR QUITE SOMETIME SLEEPING. WHILE WE WERE WATCHING TV ISABELLA EXCERSAUCER ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ROOM STARTED MAKING NOISES ON ITS OWN, A FEW MINUTES LATER IT CONTINUED TO DO IT.FRANK AND I JUST LOOKED AT ONE ANOTHER AND LAUGHED AND SAID "HAILEY'S HERE PLAYING!!" SO WE WENT TO BED. ISABELLA WOKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AROUND 3AM, I SAT IN HER ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES ROCKING HER BACK TO SLEEP. WHILE I WAS IN HER ROOM, I HEAR THE TOYS DOWNSTAIRS START MAKING NOISES AGAIN. NOW SHE AND I WERE THE ONLY ONES AWAKE AND NOT DOWNSTAIRS. HAILEY WAS PLAYING AGAIN!! ;) THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE THAT EXCITE YA!!

I WAS WATCHING THE NEWS LAST NIGHT AND WENT TO BED IN TEARS. DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TWO LITTLE KIDS THAT DROWNED THIS WEEK ALONE? IT GOT TO ME!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO SUCH LITTLE INNOCENT CHILDREN AND THEN TO TOP IT OFF THE POOR 16 YEAR OLD THAT FOUND HER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL. ITS TERRIBLE AND THESE THINGS REALLY EAT AT ME. IT BOTHERS THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER FOR THE FAMILIES OR MY OWN FOR THAT MATTER. I JUST FEEL LIKE I WANT TO MAKE THE PAIN OR I WANT TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP PREVENT THESE THINGS OR MAKE THE TIMES THAT ARE COMING TO THESE FAMILIES EASIER FOR THEM...I DON'T KNOW ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN THE FEELING THAT RUNS THROUGH ME...I GUESS I JUST WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE FOR SOMEONE SOMEWHERE..DOES THAT MAKE SENSE. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A MISSION AND I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET??

ITS BEEN AWHILE.....SORRY BUG FACE!!

I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN ON HERE IN AWHILE,HOWEVER SHE KNOWS THAT I SPEAK TO HER ON A DAILY BASIS.NOT TO MENTION MISS HER ON A DAILY BASIS!! AS ISABELLA GROWS THERE ARE PARTS OF HER THAT REMIND ME OF MY LITTLE BUG BUT THEN THERE ARE OTHER THINGS THAT SHOW SHE IS HER OWN PERSON. ITS SO CRAZY HOW SHE WAS BORN ILL AND NO DOCTOR PICKED UP ON THAT......HOW MANY OF THESE CHILDREN FALL THREW THESE CRACKS?? I LIKE THE EMAIL SOMEONE SENT ME TODAY ABOUT HOW GOD GIVES YU YOUR SCARS AND BATTLES FOR A REASON.........THIS HAPPENING TO MY FAMILY AND I MADE US WHO WE ARE TODAY. IT MOLDED FRANK AND I INTO THE PARENTS AND INDIVIUALS WE ARE TODAY. IT MADE ALEX WHO HE IS AND WHO HE IS GROWING TO BE. IT FOUND PATIENTS IN ME FOR MY CHILDREN, IT FOUND SO MANY THINGS HOWEVER AS TIME GOES BY THE PAIN DOESN'T EASE YOU FIND MORE WAYS TO COPE WITH IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO. I AM ALSO LEARNING, THAT I CAN INSTANTLY THINK OF SOMETHING AND THROW MYSELF INTO A INSTANT PANIC ATTACK. I GET THIS KNOT IN MY STOMACH AND I FEEL MY ANXIETY, BUT I LEARNED HOW TO COPE WITH THAT AND TALK MYSELF OUT OF IT. YOUR BRAIN IS SO POWERFUL............

I MISS HER AND WE WILL FOREVER MISS HER. SHE KNOWS THIS AND SHE HEARS US SPEAKING TO HER ON A DAILY BASIS, SHE ALSO HEARS US BEING SELFISH SOMETIMES AND ASKING FOR GOOD WEATHER ETC.....LOL!! BUT SHE ALSO HEARS OUR TRYING TIMES AND CARRIES US THROUGH IT, I ALSO BELIEVE SHE LEFT US FOR A REASON, I THINK SHE WOULD HAVE HAD IT ROUGH SHOULD THEY HAVE FOUND WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HER,MAYBE LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN PAINFUL FOR HER, SO HERE GOD SAW AN INNOCENT CHILD HEADED FOR A LIFETIME OF PAIN AND SORROW AND HE TOOK HER TO EASE HER PAIN. YES HE CAUSED PAIN FOR US HERE, BUT I WILL COPE AND ENDURE THAT PAIN IF IT EASED HERS. AS A PARENT THATS WHAT YOUR SUPPOSED TO DO. RIGHT? SOMEONE SAID HOW MUCH ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO TAKE, WELL I HAVE THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION........... I HAVE LEARNED IN TIME THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION......YOU ARE ONLY GIVEN HOW MUCH YOU CAN TAKE...I BELIEVE THIS.....MAYBE BECAUSE IT CARRIES ME THROUGH SOME OF THE PAIN OR MAYBE BECAUSE ITS TRUE. WHATEVER IT IS ITS WORKING FOR ME!! LOL!!

I HAVE COME TO TERMS THAT THIS HAPPEND TO MY FAMILY AND I AND THER EIS NOTHING WE CAN DO TO CHANGE IT. I LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST IN HAILEYS HONOR. I TRY MY BEST TO ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING, MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS AND BE A NICE PERSON. I BELIEVE SHE WATCHES ME THEREFORE I MAKE SURE I MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS AS A MOTHER AND A FRIEND. ( I CAN'T SAY WIFE)SORRY HONEY I HAD TO THROW A DIG IN THERE SOMEWHERE!! LOL!! SHES PROBABLY LIKE "YEAH DAD WOULD YA GET MOVIN ON THAT ITS ONLY BEEN 9 YEARS!!LMAO!!2 KIDS LATER!!

WHELP I HAVE A LOT TO SAY OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN ON IN QUITE SOMETIME SO I WILL SAVE SOME FOR NEXT TIME!!

I LOVE YOU HAILE BUG!!