I was with a little girl this weekend who is absolutely priceless!!I never asked why did this happen to me, I always said how blessed I was to have her for the 21 months that I did and how blessed I was to be able to carry her for 9 months. However I look at this little girl that I was with this weekend and I so badly wanted to help her. She is absolutely beautiful!! I sat there holding her this weekend and watched her facial expressions and the innocence in her. I found myself asking and begging Hailey and God to make her better. I won't ask for my daughter back because I know and understand that that is impossible, but damn Can I please ask for them to fix this little baby girl that is still in this world with us!! She deserves it!! My little girl was taken away with no warning, I think I atleast should get one wish-right?? I make that one wish for this little girl to be cured and her hearing given back to her full force with no surgeries to udergo and no trauma, just give her back what is rightfully hers!! I will not mention any names because it is not up to me to do so, however I love her parents and her brother very much so if everyone that reads this blog spot for just a moment could stop and ask Hailey and God to help this little girl, it may make a difference!!
The world is an amazing place, and did anyone ever stop and think about how disgusting it can be!! I spoke to a few attorneys in regards to Hailey and do you know no one wants to take the case and finally the last attorney that we spoke to explained why: In the state of New York there is no value on a childs life, therefore because it is so costly to prove medical malpractice on a viral case, the attorneys say it would cost too much money to make the case and you would never get back what you laid out!! Disgusting, no value on a childs life in the state of New York!! So are we telling doctors it's ok to screw up and kill these children?? No wonder why these pediatricians offices are they way they are, your child is just another number!!

Something Interesting I Heard..................

If God brought you to it, God will get you through it.

Tomorrow

IF TEARS COULD BUILD A STAIRWAY
AND MEMORIES WERE A LANE
WE WOULD WALK RIGHT UP TO HEAVEN
AND BRING YOU BACK AGAIN

NO FAREWELL WORDS WERE SPOKEN
NO TIME TO SAY GOODBYE
YOU WERE GONE BEFORE WE KNEW IT
AND ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY

OUR HEARTS STILL ACHE IN SADNESS
AND SECRET TEARS STILL FLOW
WHAT IT MEANT TO LOSE YOU
NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW

BUT KNOW WE KNOW YOU WANT US
TO MOURN FOR YOU NO MORE
TO REMEMBER ALL THE HAPPY TIMES
LIFE STILL HAS MUCH IN STORE

SINCE YOU'LL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN
WE PLEDGE TO YOU TODAY
A HALLOWED PLACE WITHIN OUR HEARTS
IS WHERE YOU'LL ALWAYS STAY







Tomorrow I took the day off from work to spend the day with Alex. I know I will feel the whole day through as though something is missing!! She's missing, she is missing from our world. I want to take her to do so many things she never got to experience,touch,or hear. We are under a high terror alert right now and whats strange is I don't have an ounce of fear running through my body over it. When 9/11 happened I feared everyday that something more was going to happen, What happened today and what they found, I don't fear. I don't know why but it's another thing she changed in my life. I don't think that I don't have the ear b/c I don't want to be in this world anymore, I know the value of life and I would never take that for granted, however she made this strong willed person come out of me, where I know there is so much wrong and no matter how bad it gets I can handle it. I don't stress the little stuff anymore, there's far too many things that are worse. I don't know maybe I am just rambling but for whatever unknown reason I don't fear anymore.

WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME

WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME,
AND I'M NOT THERE TO SEE
IF THE SUN SHOULD RISE AND FIND YOUR EYES
ALL FILLED WITH TEARS FOR ME
I WISH SO MUCH YOU WOULDN'T CRY,
THE WAY YOU DID TODAY
WHILE THINKING OF THE MANY THINGS
WE DIDN'T GET TO SAY.

I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME,
AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU
AND EACH TIME THAT YOU THINK OF ME
I KNOW YOU'LL MISS ME TOO
BUT WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND
THAT AN ANGEL CAME AND CALLED MY NAME
AND TOOK ME BY THE HAND
AND SAID MY PLACE WAS READY
IN HEAVEN FAR ABOVE
AND THAT I'D HAVE TO LEAVE BEHIND
ALL THOSE I DEARLY LOVE.

BUT AS I TURNED TO WALK AWAY
A TEAR FELL FROM MY EYE
FOR ALL LIFE,I'D ALWAYS THOUGHT
I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE
I HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR
SO MUCH YET TO DO
IT SEEMED ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE
THAT I WAS LEAVING YOU

I THOUGHT OF ALL YESTERDAYS
THE GOOD ONES AND THE BAD
I THOUGHT OF ALL THE LOVE WE SHARED
AND ALL THE FUN WE HAD

IF I COULD RELIVE YESTERDAY
JUST EVEN FOR AWHILE
I'D SAY GOODBYE AND KISS YOU
AND MAYBE SEE YOU SMILE

BUT THEN I FULLY REALIZED
THAT THIS COULD NEVER BE
FOR EMPTINESS AND MEMORIES
WOULD TAKE THE PLACE OF ME.

AND WHEN I THOUGHT OF WORDLY THINGS
I MIGHT MISS COME TOMORROW
I THOUGHT OF YOU,AND WHEN I DID
MY HEART WAS FILLED WITH SORROW.

BUT WHEN I WALKED THROUGH HEAVENS GATES
I FELT SO MUCH AT HOME
WHEN GOD LOOKED DOWN AND SMILED AT ME
FROM HIS GREAT GOLDEN THRONE
HE SAID"THIS IS ETERNITY,AND ALL I'VE PROMISED YOU"
TODAY FOR LIFE ON EARTH IS PAST
BUT HERE IT STARTS ANEW
I PROMISE NO TOMORROW
BUT TODAY WILL ALWAYS LAST
AND SINCE EACH DAYS THE SAME DAY THERE'S NO LONGING FOR THE PAST.

BUT YOU HAVE BEEN SO FAITHFUL
SO TRUSTING AND SO TRUE.
THOUGH THERE WERE TIMES YOU DID SOMETHINGS
YOU KNEW YOU SHOULDN'T DO.
BUT YOU HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN
AND NOW AT LAST YOUR FREE
SO WON'T YOU TAKE MY HAND
AND SHARE MY LIFE WITH ME?

SO WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITH OUT ME
DON'T THINK WE'RE FAR APART
FOR EVERYTIME YOU THINK OF ME
I' RIGHT HERE, IN YOUR HEART.

Rough Night's

Last night was a terrible one for me. Frank was in the shower I finished cleaning up the house. I went upstairs and had to close all of the blinds and found myself in her room or what would have been her room!! I began smelling her sheet on her mattress and even after the move it still smells like her. That is all I have aside from the ripped clothes from the hospital that night. However getting back to the mattress sheet, when I smelled it I was not prepared for the repercussions. I sat in that room for I cannot tell you how long balling my eyes out, Frank finally found me and came in there with me. It just will never get better. I figured that out last night, she was only apart of us for such a short period of time, however left behind so many wonderful memories. You cannot imagine the pain that is felt day in and day out not having her here, she brightened my day daily. I could not want to get out of bed in the morning, but then I would hear "Mommy, Moommy,Mooommmyyy........ from the crib and I would smile and say "comin Bug!!" What I would do to have one more morning with that!!You don't forget the memories and you don't forget the person, however for some reason I cannot hear her voice and it is driving me crazy. I want to hear her, occasionally I will hear her in my head when I am thinkin about it how she used to say "up, up, mommy", from the play pen. Or when she was in the back seat of the car mimicking the train on our way home from Sesame Place. She had Frank, Alex and I hysterical!! She was always good at making you laugh. She was attached to my hip, when I got sick and couldn't be around her for a couple of days, I was locked in my bedroom and she would come by the door and wait to see if I was going to open it and if she heard movement or me talk to call Frank in she would freak and start screaming my name. She was and still is my best friend and it just sucks that someone could take that away from us!!

I'm sure you have read the poems that are on the site I wish I could take credit for some of them however I found them online. I received a junk Yahoo email the oneday and attached to it was these poems and all I could say was "Wow!!" What made these poem get emailed to me in my junk email box??
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To All Parents:

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine ",He said
"for you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she's dead.
It may be six or seven years,or twenty two or three,
But will you, till I call her back take care of her for me?
She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
and shall her stay be brief,
You'll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over
In my Search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes
I have selected you
Now will you give her all your love
Nor think the labor vain
Nor hate me when I come to call to take her back again?

I fancied that I heard them say" Dear Lord, Thy will be done!"
For all the joy thy child shall bring.
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness,we'll love her while we may
And for the hapiness we've known
forever grateful stay
But shall the angels call for her much sooner than we've planned

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.

WOW!!!

Just like a beautiful long stemmed rose,
her precious memory grows and grows,
touching the hearts of all those she loved.
And like the fragrance of that same rose,
her love, so sweet, still flows and flows
Filling our lives with a warmth that show she's still there
So like a forever-blooming rose
the beauty that she shared
eternally grows,
For deep in our hearts,
each of us knows she lives!

_____________________________________________________

Mother,Please don't mourn for me

I'm still here though you don't see

I'm right by your side each night and day

And within your heart I long to stay

My body is gone but I'm always near

I'm everything you feel,see and hear

My spirit is free,but I'll never depart

As long as you keep me alive in your heart

Ill never wander out of your sight

I'm the brightest star on a summer night

I'll never be beyond your reach

I'm the warm,moist sand when your at the beach

I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around

And the pure white snow that blankets the grouns

I'm the beautiful flowers on which you are so fond

The clear,cool water in a quiet pond

I'm the first bright blossom, you'll see in the spring

The first warm raindrop that April will bring

I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine

And you'll see that the face of the moon is mine

When you start thinking there is no one to love you

You can talk to the lord above you

I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees

And you'll feel my presence through the soft summer breeze

I'm the hot,salty tears that fall when you weep

And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep

I'm the smile you see on a baby's face

Just look for me Mommey, I'm everyplace!!